The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My bf has decided to call NA/AA to get help. He feels like things have become totally unmanagable... He found the number, he said he would call. He also needs a ride to a meeting tonight. He didn't ask, I offered. I hope that is not too codependent of me? He can't drive because of a DUI a year ago... Anyway, I am asking HP to guide him. And to help me remain calm. I am remembering to detach and to not take it personally if he doesn't seek the help. He got the phone number for AA in our area, and said he was going to call it, I guess its an answering service? I hope someone answers if he does call... His parents found out that he was spending lots of money, and he has been hearing me talk my alanon talk for months now, and realizes he is taking what they say in and internalizing it. He said he doesn't want to lose them... They guilt trip him, which gives him his excuse to use... we all know how that goes.
Update: He said that he called the number and that a guy called him right back in two minutes. The guy listened to his whole story and told him to come to the meeting tonight at 8, which I can take him to. He wants to go, he set it all up himself, I just offered the ride. The guy is going to meet him there and talk with him some more.
I am not placing expectations. I know this is a rocky rollercoaster. I ask my HP to guide me... Thank you
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
Great..........Now it's between your bf and his HP. Sometimes HP even answers the phone when someone calls the local AA number for help, and I've heard he attends all AA meetings. So, your bf is in good hands.
You are practicing great Al Anon tools. No expectations is great. I would not even ask how it went, just give him a hug. Let him tell me what he wanted.
I loved it when my AH was on program. He shared a lot though. I was so pleased, learned so much.
I went to open meetings too with him.
ONE day at at time. Be you, do for you. We have to allow them the dignity to find their own path, totally independant of us.
Has to be by their total power. Their choices, their strengths.
I hope you have so much to do for YOU that you will be ok back home or where ever you are as he is doing his program.
One good way to detach from my experience was when the alcoholic is at their meeting for me to be at mine without focusing on what the alcoholic may or maynot be learning. Our left hand and right hand are not permanently connected so that we can separate them and let the alcoholic out. I pray this is a first step for him and that he wants more after this first meeting and then....it's his business only.
So easy to understand why I have a need for a Power Greater than Myself.
I thought codependant is when you "do things for another that they COULD and SHOULD do themselves. He CAN'T drive so I see no problem. You may want to work on other options for his transportation so he's not SOLELY reliant on you.
Great first step for the both of you ! You are right not to put any expectaions on an outcome. Doing that has caused me way to much misery. But HOPE is what keeps me going. He will get tons of support at the meeting and likely someone will offer to give him a ride there and back in the future. Blessings
