That is awesome.  It can be so hard not to react but it pays such rewards.  And they get so worked up when we set boundaries, don't they?  They keep baiting and baiting to see if we really mean it.  When someone expresses anger at me I really have a strong reaction -- it's so great, though, finally to be able to sit with the feelings and not be baited into making things worse.  Requires daily practice sometimes. :)

Good post Clep and it reminds me of the bait metaphor I learned from in program
also.  The bait was always tasty and inviting ummmmm and I had to learn what was
inside of the bait.  It's that hook I climb up on and set firmly in my mind, emotions
and spirit.  Once I set the hook, I'm attached to the line where it is tight or slack;
I'm still attached.  When I figure out I'm attached and try to pull off the pain comes
and I realize the hook is set!!  It is going to be as painful or more painful pulling that
sucker out because hooks have barbs and both ends are sharp.  I have to go thru
the pain of growing in recovery and part of that is learning to extract the hook, tend
to the wound and then learn to remove barbs from hooks and/or swim past the bait
and/or stay out of the water.  This was a part of my learning to "not react" slogan and
training. 

Stay with it.  ((((hugs))))

That is really great progress!  Seeing the bait and hooks for what it is - is a huge milestone... sure u were shaky, new beahvior is a lil scary just bc it is new.  We have never done it or been there before, it is important to acknowledge that fear and quickly hand it over to ur HP.  Great work, prayer always helps me, when I willingly hand it over and let it go completely.

Know that when you set boundaries, the A's will fight them at every turn, they want the status quo, they want an easy enabler, rushing to fix and rushing to get emotional, so they can blame us and justify their perception of the disease. 

I wonder what the boundary was and did you use your sponsor's guidance to set it?  Boundaries are for you, for your behavior and the consequences are also about you and in your control.  It is not a weapon and not a device to control another person's actions.  It really has more to do with us, learning to self protect for self preservation, self govern the emotional body, to detach with love and give resepct and dignity - so that they have time and space to sort out their own issue or feeling themselves and for us to do the same.

The guidelines to boundary setting, clearly state, how to do it.   We need a lot of support and a sponsor/mentor can really help, as first it is imperative that you define ur true needs, so u can know how to see a way to get them met and then you can begin to set boundaries, based on your real needs.  I would say define ur needs versus the wants and fantasies.  (if u want to talk to me more about this, please PM me and I would be happy to share more).  Take care of YOU, whatever that looks like.
   

I set the boundary that I will not fight with him.  I will not explain myself over and over.  I will not feed his insecurities that have nothing to do with me, and are not based upon behaviors from me that would invite relationship insecurity, but are within him.