The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AS came to our house a couple of nights ago and started drama with us and my stomach hasn't untied from the knot in it yet.
There are so many triggers that makes my life very stressful, a song on the radio, a certain TV program or commercial, when the evening comes and darkness begins to fall I just about have a panic attack.
I opened the mail just awhile ago and a letter had come from my husband's doctor (my husband had an appointment several weeks ago) and I just knew it was bad news about my husband health, it was a refund from an overpayment we had made.
I feel like I am losing it
What I would give just to have a day feeling safe, that I had done my best that day at work, my little home safe and cozy, and look forward to a night with my family.
But it seems I go day to day stressing over until the next crisis comes.
It will come for you Dreams...practice killing that expectation of doom and spend some time with gratitude lists. Some of the fellowship here at MIP have done some great posts on gratitude in the near past....scroll backward and pick up the words of recovery. (((hugs)))
Oh Dreams . . . I get the fear. I am battling some of it myself right now. Just do the next right thing and work on not thinking the worst.
Gratitude lists are great. After I just came here and vented about my bad attitude over nothing I felt silly and sat down and did my second for the day. Then I reached out here at home and gave up my power for the day and asked my girl to make dinner. Dinner, a movie, a warm blanket . . . everything else can wait. My fears can wait. I am going to take care of myself right now, not worry about others, not worry about the stack of responsibilities and bills, and ask for some help and love.
And I got it. Dinner smells are wafting in from the kitchen and my MIP family has given me a VERY big hug. All of this takes practice and feels SO VERY weird - especially with the insanity of living with alcoholism. But with practice it gets easier. Sometimes you have to force it, like I did today, but it eventually starts to work and those dreams of feeling safe come true.
I pass the hug on to you. We are here for you. One thing, one day at a time. I don't know if you are working with a sponsor or have gone through the steps . . . but it takes quite a bit these days to push me to emotional unrest. The steps were a monumental change in my thinking.
We are here for you. We completely understand.
tlc
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
