I was reading about the importance of setting boundaries for good relationships -- something I'd never thought about in this way.  My practice was always to bend over backwards trying to be accommodating, since both my A and I saw my demands/boundaries -- for instance, for affection, equal say, etc. -- as harmful for the relationship. 

Anyway, the passage from the book says:

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}p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: Times; }div.Section1 { page: Section1; }When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.That is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.For our own sake, we need to understand that its dangerous to our relationships and our well-being to get mired in shame or blame, or to be full of self-righteous anger.Its also impossible to practice compassion from a place of resentment.If were going to practice acceptance and compassion, we need boundaries and accountability.

This is from The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.  I might have saved myself a lot of trouble if I'd seen it this way many years ago.