The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Christmas is next up for me on the calendar and normally I am full of issues around it. I can see now that most years I absolutely could not manage those issues so like any good al anoner I went to a practising alcoholic to try to to fix them. Talk about sabatage myself.
I spent 7 Christmas's with the ex A trying to get him to see my emotional needs at Christmas. What I couldn't see was that he was resolute that I meet his needs (which was of course to use and drink).
I've spent a lifetime going to the butcher's to buy bread.
I am currently living, working and existing around alcoholics, they are as we all know everywhere. I can't open my door without one popping up, I can't move out of my cubicle without stumbling on one. They all as we would say in the UK "have the hump", that is they are all disgruntled, upset and convinced someone else should fix them.
Most of my life I've seen my issues as external to me. They were all caused by situations and places and things. I could certainly say my life is difficult these days, I have every kind of problem and some of them I have no idea how to fix.
What's changed for me is that I am now at the driving wheel rather than abdicating the role.
I certainly don't expect to have a Christmas without issues but I hope this year I won't be going to the butcher's to buy bread!
Thank you Marisie and Tom- no matter how many times I hear this, I need to hear it again! Don't know why I thought dinner rolls would be any different than a loaf of bread!
Yes thank you maresie :) I think I really needed to hear this today too. The holidays have been so bad the last 10 years, and I know I need to rely on only me... Now I need to apply that ;)
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
"What I couldn't see was that he was resolute that I meet his needs (which was of course to use and drink)."
That says it all -- I never thought of it that way. For so many years, my A's need was to not have to respond to my needs. And so I kept trying to suppress my needs. Something I definitely need to think about!
"What I couldn't see was that he was resolute that I meet his needs (which was of course to use and drink)."
Ohh, so true. Yup. Before I got here, all my relationships were one sided. The other person got their needs met (even the needs they didn't know they had, since I was hyper vigilent about anticipating everything that even might come up and acting accordingly), and I didn't get any of my needs met. Of course, I never actually opened my mouth and expressed the needs ... I just thought them real hard in my head, expected the other person to be as perceptive as I was, and then built a huge wall of resentments when the other person wasn't a mind reader.
Great share - never heard that expression before - it made me smile because it is so true - its just what I keep doing, expecting my emotional needs to be met by a sick person who doesn't even understand their own needs so how on earth could they comprehend mine.
Of course being silly I keep expressing my needs - no wonder the 'butcher' cannot understand when I keep asking for my daily bread - something he doesn't stock and can't supply - thanks that has really helped me today!
