The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't read that book (The Language of letting Go by Melanie Beattie)...I think that was an excerpt from her book mentioned at the bottom of that page.
I have read and re-read "Co-dependent no more" by Melanie Beattie. This book opened up my eyes in ways I could not imagine. Check it out: http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1291041610&sr=1-1
My shrink recommended I read it about a year ago. At the time, I thought she was too quick to 'label' me and I resented it. I thought to myself: "Well, I'm not co-dependent because I once dumped a guy after 3 months because I didn't want to take care of him, because he was depressed over past issues, I told him to get help, he wasnt ready for a relationship, and I left.
Yep well, little did I realise, that was 8 years ago and a lot can change in 8 years.
My AH even noticed this and said to me once "Danielle, you used to have this light about you. When I met you, you were this smart, strong, funny, independent determined woman, you had tons of friends and guys loved you, you were self confident and happy, you smiled all the time and had a contagious laugh". Then he went on to say.... "I haven't seen that in years". He said this to me not that long ago during a moment of clarity. It got to me. Hes right. I was once this person, and since Ive become this shrivelling ball of despair and regret and misery, oh and not to mention self pity.
Yes, it is the Language of Letting Go. It lives by my bedside but during my recent move, while the book was packed away, I found that site. I love her books. I reference her 12 step guide often. I also love Pia Mellody - but have found no author that writes more clearly that Melanie Beattie.
I too lost myself and have thoroughly enjoyed finding myself again. I live one day at a time knowing that if I stop working my program I could go back to that place. It is amazing how quickly it can happen and how it just seems to come out of nowhere.
I was powerless until I walked through the doors of a 12 step support group. There I had to admit I was powerless - and then take my power back and apply it where it would work - on me. I had to change me. I had to work the steps and uncover a life of pain and find answers to how I ended up there in the first place. I never would have imagined myself getting to that point. The one thing I was good at, better at than anything else, was protecting myself and keeping people at arm's length. I had to find what it was about myself that bought into the lies and stayed for the abuse . . . and doled out my fair share as well.
I am still uncovering those issues and working on them as they come up. I am enjoying myself. I am free to be me and love me and protect myself with truth and knowledge I did not have before. I am no longer looking for someone to come and save me, complete me - I will do that for myself. And I no longer want to be with someone I need to fix or have hopes for their potential.
My ex mother-in-law whom I am still very close with, upon divorcing her son said to me, "Tricia, if there is a single thing you don't like about a potential mate - even down to how he cuts his toenails, run the other direction." I should have listened to her. Loving someone for what they "could" be instead of what they are is unfair to them and me. I truly believe the ability to do that well lies in learning to love and accept yourself.
tlc
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
I bring that book every where with me. I love it. I use it daily and I also open it to find a page that might just be my HP's guidence for the day. It always works :) And I am learning that this program of recovery does work when we work it for our selves...
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
