The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As some of you know I have been quite distressed about how to afford the smoking where my A is concerned.
I decided today after much thought to just give him the remainder of our funds until Tuesday for his cigarettes which was only 20 dollars. I let him know I will not fight this anymore and will make his cigarette money priority and that if we went without somewhere else so be it. I then sent him an email transfer for the money without anger or resentment and left it at that.
I care for children and run the equivalent of a preschool program out of my home for a living. We have very little food and no milk but I was confident I could make it work.
I started mixing powdered milk for the children for tomorrow to drink. I didn't hide making it and just went about what I needed to do. I made some chili and cornbread as I had enough to make that for our dinner and the children's lunch for tomorrow.
He asked me what the milk I was mixing was for and matter of fact I let him know. He mentioned he thought that was disgusting and I agreed and went on about what I was doing. He was doing some dishes and let me know he would go and get the children milk as he could not see them drinking powdered milk. As soon as he finished the dishes he went to the store and bought the milk and bread as well for our son's lunch for school.
It was so nice that he did put the children above his smoking and that I was able to thank him instead of fighting with him.
I love that I am grasping my program, applying it and things are working out okay so far. I just need to keep my program in the forefront of my mind. Thanks to each of you for listening to me and sharing with me. What a help you all have been.
I am glad you gave him the dignity of giving him his money to do with as he pleased And am so much happier that he made the decision to make the children a priority. It's amazing sometimes that the A's suprise us when we do give them that dignity of making thier own choices rather than trying to control thier behavior What great progress on your part! Blessings
p.s. My spouse is not an A but we have hit many financial bumps in the road during our 30 yr marraige. I too sis the pwdered milk thing, my kids would only use it in thier cereal and would waste the rest. So I found that if i mixed half regular milk and half powdered milk they did not notice any difference....just a thought. It does make your milk strech twice as long
It actually wasn't his money. It was all the family food money we had left that was provided for him to smoke. He does get money regularly to do with as he pleases and that is the reason we are in the financial rut we are in. :) He has always had free access as I have to the money that is ours.
I am grateful he is working his program again. He is usually the one saying that the children can make due with much less than they do. The powdered milk thing really seemed to get to him. I am glad it worked out where I took this stance right when there was no milk. Couldn't have been better timing.
