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My AW sure has been acting like she has been drinking and I have to admit that I slipped and went on the hunt and found a half empty bottle of vodka under the mattress. I wrote my wife a note asking her to get help and she said it was old, "where did I find that?" My love wants to believe her, my common sense says she is lying. Per your (Alanon) guidance you are correct, I don't feel better about "finding it."
My question is has anyone had success having their spouse take that medication that literally makes them sick if they drink? Has this been an effective tool during the recovery process? My wife is at AA right now, but I sure wouldn't mind some insurance that she isn't drinking around my young kids. She still maintains not a drop in almost 2 months but her actions speak otherwise.
Thanks for the insight. Many serenity prayers being said today.
My alcoholic spouse never to my knowledge used Anabuse which is one of the chemicals that will put a person into violent reaction if they drink over it. Do the research on the chemicals, there are several and understand that often times to drink over the chemical (alcoholics will choose to do that) can be fatal. The medical community has attempted to devise all sorts of anti alcohol abuse medications including LSD in the early years. I met the sole survivor of the LSD experiment years ago.
Learn more about alcohol the chemical also...used with other drugs it has a synergistic effect or a multiplying effect on the drug being used...that drug will become much more powerful than intended or prescribed. Many drugs have warnings on the labels to not drink while taking the medications for the reasons related to synergy. Just wish the type size was much larger.
Alcohol as a chemical is powerful beyond belief after you learn about it be glad you don't drink or that you have loved ones who don't either.
My alcoholic spouse use to put alcohol in refilled perfume bottles so she could carry them with her....cagey and sooo sad the lengths an alcoholic will go to to stay attached.
There are drugs that will help make it uncomfortable if she drinks... the reality is, her addiction will win out over those drugs, if she's not interested in getting sober.... even if the drugs work, "stopping drinking" is only half the battle (sometimes not even half)...
AA is a program of sobriety, tied not only to the abstaining of alcohol, but also the cleansing/repairing/uplifting of spirit, emotional sobriety, etc., etc.... Anytime your A can get to a place where she is NOT drinking, she's on the right path, but in my experience, "abstinence drugs" don't do the job..... My nervousness about even introducing these types of "fixes", is that so many active A's are trying desperately to find what the bare minimum they can do to make things go away - the thought of AA scares the heck out of them.... so they can often "grab on" to whatever half-baked plan that is less than truly getting sober.....
Had to smile when reading about her excuse of "that is old"..... A's are pretty hilarious with their excuses at times..... In my home (when AW was active), I found a bottle of vodka in one of her dresser drawers..... She simply said "it is not mine, you must be mistaken"..... There were four people living in our home..... My A, active at the time..... myself, who had not had a drink of alcohol for over 5 years at the time.... and our two children, who were 4 and 3 at the time........ Hmmm..... yep, "not hers", lol
Take care, and keep up the work on you...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I dont know how long it took you to find that bottle but I bet you could have done something special with your kids intsead . someone at a meeting said once soo who is sicker ? the one who hides the bottle or the one who wastes time looking for it ?? If your still concerned about your kids find a sitter so that they are safe . As to the drugs only one I know is anitibuse and its to prove to us that they arent drinking wont help them stop . antibuse and booze makes them very sick and its dangerous they also turn a very bright red when drinking . Blood pressure rises dramatically. Risky Take care of yourself and your children , leave her to AA
thx for the info. She just got back and still claims she "knows the truth" and it was old. Could be? Sure, but probably just bs. Soooo freakin tired of all of this.
The "good" thing about alcoholics who keep on drinking is that they won't keep it hidden for long. If she's drinking, it will come out whether or not the vodka under the mattress is old. I understand your concern, however -- when they've been in recovery and sober for a bit, it's nervewracking during that initial stage where you don't know if she's fallen off the wagon again.
I stopped being nervewracked when I started just assuming my ex was drinking, whether or not I was coming across bottles. But he was one who never recovered. Sadly, the statistics are that most alcoholics are like him.
I agree that the safe thing is to get a babysitter. Alcoholics drink -- that's what they do. But you gotta laugh at the excuses they come up with -- like finding vodka under the mattress is a normal thing in any house. "Oh, that's just an old bottle of vodka." Like everyone has old bottles of vodka under their mattress. LOL!
Relapse is common in recovery. For everyone.... me, you and your wife. Have compassion, including with yourself. We didn't get this way overnight, we're not going to change overnight.
This is what my sponsor told me, "Whatever it is you want from your spouse, try giving it to yourself FIRST."
Take her out from under the microscope, you'll feel much better. I did. ((hugs))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I'm not sure it matters whether it's old or not. If she's drinking, it won't be a secret for long. It's her choice to make - whether or not you find the bottle and confront her, it's her choice. You did not cause her alcoholism, and you cannot control or cure it.
My AH didn't take Antabuse, but did take a couple of other medications. All of them worked for a while - and when he stopped taking them, he relapsed.
My .02 is, drugs serve a purpose and may give someone that is serious about a chance at recovery a headstart. However, I believe that alcoholism is a mental, physical, and spiritual disease. If you take away the physical part without more - the alcohol itself - the disease is still there, and it is still active. It is usually only a matter of time before the alcohol comes back into the picture.
As long as all 3 parts are treated, the alcoholic can have a daily reprieve from alcoholism.
In the case of my AH, when he finally decided he'd had enough, he got sober by working a recovery program. This did not include drugs. He now says that the times he tried to quit by using the medications, he wanted an easy fix - but there is no such thing.
Believe me, an addict KNOWS where their drugs were, are, and where to go in the future to get more.
Med is called Antabuse. It is a waste of time, money and is poison. Many A's can drink with it.
The thing is being an addict is many symptoms, not just drinking or using other drugs. Plus They can only stop if they choose to, no medication, rehab or anything is going to do any good until the individual is ready to stop. NOTHING else works.
Trust your intuition. It is usually right. Just is not worth leaving kids with an A. Would you leave them with a babysitter you thought might be drinking?
I know it is so hard and sad! I hope you continue in Al Anon. Her path is her own to figure out.
Hi, my A was one of those who could take the meds and still drink. In fact, oddly, the meds seemed to make him get drunk quicker, sad to say. I am afraid there is no magic bullet for alcoholism.
Antabuse did not work for my AH. He wasn't ready to be sober. So, he just didn't take it. Sometimes he drank even when he did take it. He has also been on a couple of other drugs that are "anti-craving." Didn't work.
My opinion is that no drug will work if the A is not ready to be sober.
