The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm relearning an old alanon maxiom (sp?). The "one day at a time" idea (which old hands at this have told me can be reduced to one minute at a time if a day is too long!). I'm applying it to happiness.
If you've read my posts you know that this is a big issue for me. That I'm unhappy generally with my life...relationships, jobs etc. I've tried to spend more time doing things that make me happy to help with this. Well, another strategy has come into play to increase my happiness. To be happy, or recognize that I'm happy for short periods.
Case in point: Thanksgiving. Now I'm far from satisfied in my marriage, with my spouse, with the debt I deal with etc. HOWEVER, if I'm to be honest, I had many happy moments yesterday, where my wife, marriage, day etc. were exactly as I'd always wanted them to be. There were many stretches when wife was pleasant, even fun to be with (she does have that strength...a fun person at times), and if I'm to be honest, this was the vast majority of the day....the behaviors I hate actually came up for a few moments here and there. It's about how much weight I give them. There were many moments yesterday when I felt content (enjoyed the food, played with daughter, watched football, watched Miracle on 34th Street etc.).
So, while I feel my gripes are valid, to be fair there is good stuff happening all the time that I'm NOT focusing on enough. I may not yet feel "satisfied" with (wife, marriage, money etc. - you fill in the blank) but there are many times during the day when I am. I have to nurture these times in my mind to make them more plentiful.
And now I don't know if this made any sense at all...the more I typed the more confused I got!
That made perfect sense to me and I am happy with you that you have arrived at the clearer vision. You listened, learned, practiced and turned your problems over and had a great day.
"I have to nurture these times in my mind to make them more plentiful."
Not only in your mind although you will now have memory that this works and works very well if you work it and also in your behaviors, your spirit and emotions all the levels where alcoholism hurts. Yesterday was a day to remember that you can be wrong about how bad things are and how happy, joyous and free you can be when you decide for it. I will never forget that same miracle for myself and don't want to ever.
I can just see the joy the both of you shared...awesome!! (((((hugs)))))
I remember a period of time I had made up my mind I was done with my A relationship... it was just a matter of time and I also made up my mind I wanted him to have happy memories of our relationship when I did move on.
So I began to take each day as a new day, I stopped asking why he did this or that, stopped "informing" him of how our life needed to be for us to be happy, stopped taking offence at everything ( even if it was offensive ) and over a very short period of time I found myself happy... I look back and it was a very secure time in our relationship..... unfortunatly I/ we slipped and had a huge fight and we never did (yet) get back to that place.
I did learn that one (minute) day at a time works and makes the whole relationship better. I learned no matter what I say it's my behavior that he is "listening" to.
For some reason my A can /not or will not "talk things out" so I have to forgive, overlook, not understand, and constantly experience words and behaviors that do not match.... I do remember this did not matter to me so much at that time. I also remember confusing things happened ( a little ) less often.
Seems like this post is just a different version of yours....I hope and pray we all find more enduring happiness in our lives.
This is my experience: what I focus on, gets bigger and bigger. When I focus on the Good, it gets bigger. If peace is really what I want, I will make friends with the present moment as it is. Do I always do that? No, but I can always start my day over, any time I catch myself.
I once had it all, abundance in every material way, a huge home in a prestigious neighborhood with a huge bank account, and a very reliable husband before the disease progressed... yet I was very unhappy. Miserable. Today it makes perfect sense to me... I had no relationship with a Higher Power. How could I be genuinely happy?
In my recovery I am finding, it is a huge mistake to let my happiness depend on anything of this world. That is my experience. The more I shift my focus to my HP and on gratitude, the happier I am. Happiness is not a destination I'm going to reach "some day." It is a decision I have to make every moment of the day. (((hugs)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
