The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you to everyone who reads and replies to my posts. Your encouragement helps more than you can imagine. I still haven't talked to my ex A. Today was especially hard because it would have been our one year anniversary of when we first started dating. I erased his number from my phone so I wouldn't contact him, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. I kept looking at my phone hoping to see a text from an "unknown" number saying Happy Anniversary. I know it was a stupid thing to hope for but it doesn't matter. It never happened anyway. It would have been so nice if I could have just driven to my friends house or gone shopping or something to distract myself, but I can't. My mom and I were in a car accident on Friday. Everyone is ok, but I got really bad whiplash and I tore a few muscles in my neck. I have to wear a neck brace for a while and the doctors have me loaded up on meds, so I can't drive. The worst part about all of this is the fact that I have to take the very things that tore my boyfriend and I apart. Pain pills and muscle relaxers. Every time I start to feel the pain becoming unbearable, I struggle with myself saying that I can do without the pills. I tell myself it's not that bad. After all, why would I want to take something that has been drilled into my brain as being the most evil thing on the face of the earth? I despise these pills. I hate them with everything that I am. And yet I have to take two every four hours or I am in horrible pain. I know that the reason they were made in the first place is to take pain away from people who are suffering. I know that they are here to help me. But still, every time I take them I feel like I've done something wrong. It's like I'm punishing myself for his mistakes. I don't know. I'm ok I guess. Just frustrated and still a bit lonely. Thank you again for reading.
So very sorry for the accident and pain you are enduring. As you already know, Meds when taken as prescribed enable us to function and live with pain. I understand how hard this loss is and pray that you will join us at the, On line Meetings here and spend time reading past posts on the Board
So Glad you are okay !!!!!!! I know the mindset you are in. I have chronic pain and need to take meds to keep it in check. Please do remember very few people that take the meds for the right reason turn into addicts. You do not seem to have an addict personality so take the medicine as prescribed and be good to yourself and take care of yourself. I am sorry you didnt get the text you were hoping for and you may not want to hear this but your exbf may be doing you a favor by stepping aside right now. This is the time for you to work your recovery, don't forget that comes first and foremost. Again take of yourself physically....having been in 2 horrible accidents in the last few years much of your pain is yet to come. So instead of letting it get out of control by holding off on the meds take them as prescribed. If you wait to long the meds will not work as well ( speaking from experience here). I was in the same thought process as you... did not want to take those awful meds and wouldnt take them until i was in so much pain I couldnt see straight...the doctor sat me down and explained i was only hurting myself more and would take longer to heal if I didn't follow his instructions and he was right. I hope you are able to enjoy the holiday Blessings
I want to share with you. My A used to make fun of my taking meds for "migraines!!"
Feeling guilty is just another way their disease makes us sick! This is MEDICINE. The disease is the one with the problem, not us.
So I invite you not to allow a stupid disease to make ya feel bad for helping your pain. Thank the creator we have meds for pain, they were made from plants, mostly, things here for that purpose.
I used to not like the smell of alcohol. After detaching it stopped bugging me!
I refuse to allow an insanity disease to make me feel anything.
Believe me I relate BUT we can grow past it.
You need pain med to block those crummy pain chemicals. Take it just like it says! Our bodies do not heal as well or as fast if we are clenching from pain.
So I invite you to toss that "present" from a dumb disease and take your meds!
(c:
Take care of yourself too. I am sad you got hurt! I am walking on eggshells, to make sure I do not get hurt anymore. Believe me when you get close to 50 falling is not just a booboo haha
In addition to the other replies, I wanted to validate your wishing for him to think of you on your anniversary. My exHA remarried last May after being divorced from our 20 year marriage. This past June was the first time we did not exchange acknowledgements and that was painful, and obviously something to which I need to adjust. You are not alone.
