The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I spoke up today in the kitchen at a church function. Usually when they start their gossip, I just listen and get mad, sometimes I join in with it. I also meant what I said without saying it mean. My first reaction in my head to their gossip was to scream at them and say how wrong they were. Instead I said that we needed to pray for this girl they were talking about, then I walked away from them. It was hard for me to detach from them, as I realize that I am so afraid that these small town women gossip about me, I fear their judgement as well. I have not made the best choices in my life, and I live in this town, have lived here my whole life so I feel like my life is on a platform just waiting to be talked about. What they think of me is none of my business. For me the only person I have to please in my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. I don't have to prove anything to these people in order to be accepted by them. I have tried so hard in the past to get them to like me, and to try to control them by pleasing them just so they won't talk about me. What a relief it is to know I really don't have to do that ever again. Have a great day.
Nice. Yes I had a similar recent experience w/ my bf's family. The sister always speaks terribly about their mom. Then she is mean to her own daughter, while putting the son on a pedestal (incidentally this is what her mom did to her son (my bf)) and most likely why she hates thier mother, since no one even knows why that is. I wasnt looking forward to going there for the Holidays again. They arent spiritual and look at me like I have three heads. But I can have fun and can take anything just about, so I tried to be a good sport about it too and go along as it were, pretedning this was a happy family expereince. Or they deny the mean words flown around and I too was falling into the denial.
So at the funeral two months ago of their grand mothers on dad's side, at the lunch afterwards, the sister snapped at her daughter to shut up about being happy. I said, "you go ahead and be as joyful as you like, sweet heart! When u become an adult sometimes joy is hard to find."
Praying for people and forgiving them is all u really can do, you were right about what you said, she needs prayer. I would have not walked away and said, 'how would u all like to pray for her right now together, as 3 or more is a very powerful prayer.
Ur right, u cannot take it personaly and what they think is none of your business. I felt dumb for thinking that the sister wasnt speaking or feeling negatively about my bf and I, but if she talks about other people and her own mom, then of course she talks that way about everybody. B/f decided that given the circumstances recently, that we wont spend the holidays with them anymore. Now, we can decide to make it our own thing, with our own symbolism and meaning that is important to us.
Ppl that talk about others, are not that happy themselves. If they were, they would have no need to point out the weaknesses of other's and be a fault finder. We all have weakenesses too. Know they are also in judgement of themselves. You can love and forgive them and not be hurt anymore - when ever u are, forgive the hurt and then u wont be tied to them or that pain/incident. We are bound togehter in pain/abuse and forgiveness breaks those chains.
Consider the source and set a boundary not to gossip with them. Good work! Keep it up, u are worth it - u are the most important voice/opinion in YOUr life. Put ur voice first and be kind along the way, TC & GB!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Good for you for using the tools you are learning here :) It does feel good to do the next right thing and to also make yourself happy. Take care of you :)
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
Oh yeah! Even better would have been to ask them to pray for her now! What a great idea. I think I will try that, as I'm sure I will have the opportunity again!!!!!!!!
