The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was at a meeting not long ago where the topic was Listen and Learn. Although it's one of our slogans on the wall, I guess I'd kinda just read over it and focused on the more widely repeated "Let go and let God" and "One day at a time."
Listen and learn is a great slogan, and it was a great meeting. It has only occurred to me in hindsight how little I listened before I got here. I'm very shy and don't always talk much, but the fact that I was not talking did not mean that I was listening. There was so much constant noise in my head - it was like a 3 ring circus all the time, and I literally felt crazy! Also, even if I didn't open my mouth and say so, I had all the answers for everyone else. If anyone described a problem, I would be thinking in my head something along the lines of, "Well, DUH ... this person clearly needs to do ____." If I was even listening to anyone else, that is - most of the time I was so obsessed with my own drama that I couldn't pay attention to anyone else anyway.
When I first started going to meetings and people talked about detachment and gratitude, I would think in my head that, while those things were fine for the people talking about them, they wouldn't work in my situation because of ______ (take your pick - my situation was different because of any number of given reasons that I chose to look at instead of looking for similarities). I didn't do "listen and learn" for a long time. I don't know when it started to happen or why, but as time went by I gradually started to listen to solutions other people had found to my exact same problems. Sure, the names and faces were different - but the principles and feelings were the same.
I think that "listen and learn" may actually be my favorite of our slogans. :)
Thanks for a great post! I've never heard of that slogan, but I like it.
When I first came, I too, would focus on wht's wrong with the person sharing, sometimes rolling my eyes to myself... I had been separating myself and not fully taking advantage of the gift being offered. Often I would compare myself, not identifying with anything being said... (the problem is always ME)
So, Listen and Learn, to me, means that I gratefully take my seat and anticipate that there is something my HP wants me to hear for my highest good. It's up to me to provide the willingness.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I hear you completely. Thank you for sharing this great slogan! I am positive I have done this exact thing. I am grateful to be here, thats for sure :)
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
One of the gals from one of my meetings who has journeyed along with my wife and I for the past 15 years caught me this morning and pulled me aside to mention and thank me for what I have said about my own listening in program. She said "I remember you saying that you listen with your eyes and now I know what that means." Yes I do. I come from inside the disease of alcoholism and I learned to be distrustful of what was said and promised inside of my family. I would listen with my ears and have no hope or trust that things would get better so I learned the skill of watching what was done rather than just listening to what was being said and that helped me pick my way thru the chaos and crises. It was a skill I unknowlingly brought into Al-Anon and I became a "watcher". I listened to what was said and then watch the walk of the speaker. Those who walked the talk I trusted and they became who I trusted for support and help. The others I loved and didn't rely on for support. HP works in cunning, powerful and baffling ways. Great thread!! (((((hugs)))))
Interestingtopic. It reminds me of a less then pleasant woman I worked for, who attempted to speak down to me once by saying..... " You drive me nuts, whenever I speak to you I get no reaction" I calmly replied, because I am listening carefully to what you are saying. I'm not judging it, I'm not thinking of what I will reply before you're done speaking, I'm simply listening". What I didn't remark was that it was something I had been working on since joining Al-anon for a number of obvious reasons. Nor did I mention I realized it was how she measured her workers worth by who would simply nod and go along. Either way, I was working my program.
I later found out this particular boss had been married to AND divorced for an Active A and presently married to a new Active Alcholic. That was her business. Learning to listen was my job. Along with not needing to react and electing to respond if required.
In sumation I would like to interject I'm happily no longer working for her. Thank my lucky Scars!!
I love it! The neat thing is I know as I listen and learn I have to continually be willing to learn and re-learn each thing. It changes and becomes something better as recovery progresses. I will never graduate. Each step will take on new and more profound meaning as I grow, learn, and practice.
And more will be revealed. . . but not without listening and learning!
Tricia
-- Edited by tlcate on Wednesday 24th of November 2010 01:13:00 AM
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
