The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Made my first online meeting yesterday and stayed to chat and was accosted and given a hw assignment (kidding about being accosted....I never got so much attention in my life!) Anyway I was asked to write a list of ten things I am powerless over and those that I have power over. It was suggested that I then turn over the powerless list to my HP and then destroy it. I thought, since I like accountability (and attention ) that I'd post it here. Thanks to Kitty, Xeno and many others for the "chat".
Powerless over: 1. Wife's temper 2. Wife's disorganization 3. How my daughter will "turn out"....I can influence this I guess but never control it. 4. The fact that because of my knee surgery I can't do as much physically as I'd like to. 5. The weather. 6. What others think of me. 7. My lack of abilities (meaning that no matter how hard I work at something, there is a ceiling......very low in some cases, high in others. 8. My progress on guitar (I will progress if I practice but I can't control the pace ) 9. My feelings of lack of fulfillment......at least at the moment...I can work on this but for today, I can't control how I feel. 10. Any psychological damage I've sustained over the years and my life. I again can work on this, but the damage has been done...I can't prevent it or wish it away.
Power or control over: 1. I can exercise. 2. I can go to therapy. 3. I can make meetings and work the program. 4. I can clean up after wife to keep house livable (don't like to, feel resentful, but I'm capable). 5. Pay attention to physical issues...dont' neglect myself. 6. Keep daughter in therapy to give her the best chance I can to be happy (sigh.....) 7. Do what I can to fix the house...i'm not handy and dont' have much money right now, but I can paint...and maybe cut some moldings etc. 8. Do what I can to keep the outside of the house reasonably neat (I never needed perfection here....just not have it to the point of being embarrassed.). 9. I can eat right. 10. I can spend time doing things I like.
lol I didnt realize who u were in there yesterday, nice to have met you in chat. Nice list too btw. We can only control us and to some that may seem like not very much but self mastery is the most incredible feeling/experience I have ever known.
Way to focus on what u can do and what you want and not what you dont want to manifest or make real. What we defend or argue about, we make real for us - that helped me to see that connection.
I felt very helpless and hopeless in the situation I was in and I sacrificed myself at every turn in the name of love and it was not love - love does not require that I martyr myself, in fact it is the opposite. It says that if I forgive and let go and be loving to me first (with self respect, honoring my own emotional body)- then I can be even more generous of spirit and love with others.
I thought that loving me and putting me first would make me, selfish like them. But it did quite the contrary.
Spiritual logic seems backwards... I must give it away to keep what I have. I must love and forgive me, and in turn do that for others. I must value and love me, like HP does with compassionate forgiveness. As I practise something, I can have it and maintain it. As I let go of worries, fears - I am more connected and closer to HP/god.
Learning to be still, to wait and see what naturally unfolds, has allowed me to see how much of my own energy I was wasting on controlling, fearing and feeding the disease. As I love me, I am more lovable. The more I practise patience, the more I see the wisdom in working for what is important to me, to stop controlling and take postiive actions, on what I can do to alllow me to feel better now. As u process your stuff, u will get healthier and be a good balanced emotional support to ur daughter. All kids want is for their parents to be happy and have peace of mind. I sure wish my mom did find recovery! But now all I can do is work my best program and little by little she shares more with me.
I am glad to see you focusing on you and starting to work it. If u really want to change, nothing will stop you from doing just that, kcb it works, keep sharing ur journey with us. Great lists!
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
) that I'd post it here. Thanks to Kitty, Xeno and many others for the "chat".
)