The material presented
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I have learned in alanon that I am not supposed to keep track of how much AH drinks. I have found this to be a hard thing not to do for some reason. I kind of got a taste of my own medicine so to speak last night. Both AH and I smoke cigarettes, however, AH has decided to cut down a lot so he can eventually quit. I told him that I plan on trying to quit after the holidays. Anyways, last night, before I went to bed, I went and had one last smoke. AH joked with me when I came to bed by calling me a chimney. I told him I am not a chimney. He said "Well you've had at least four cigarettes since after dinner." My first thought was "Why is he keeping track of how much I am smoking?" It was right after I had that thought that I realized that I am guilty of the very same thing with his drinking, and it sure doesn't feel great knowing that someone is keeping track of my addiction. I am now going to make a conscious effort to keep from doing the same thing to AH when he drinks, because now that I know it doesn't feel good having someone do that to me, I don't want to put him through that same feeling.
Kimmy
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Kimmy
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
LOL...great share and so full of awareness. Yep that is one of the ways I learned how to look at those three fingers pointing back at me when I was pointing my finger out at her wagging it. We use to call that the "Al-Anon handshake". Good job Kimmy! (((((hugs)))))
Kim, this is something that I found out a long time ago in program. As someone put it: "when you point a finger at someone else, 3 other fingers are pointing right back at you!" (try it it's true). Amazingly it seems the very things that irritate us about others are often Our own shortcomings as well. Psychologists call this projection. We recognize our faults in others. Now mind you it's not that they don't have these faults, they do, but we most readily recognize the ones we are most familiar with.
Great share!!! "Do unto others" is powerful - and I didn't know that it applied to me when I got here! I thought that because my motives were good (i.e., not wanting someone to drink until they died), checking up was a good thing. Hard as it is to not agree with someone else's choices, it's a good realization that the choices are, in fact, the other person's to make.
I also got a good reminder of this. After the last episode with my AH ending up in rehab and my Mom passing away... my dog (Sweet Stanley) now has anxiety issues. He is now on 2 meds, Clomicalm and Prozac for his issues. (I wish I could take him to Alanon with me... ) After watching his behaviors, I realized that he is just like I was, while my AH was out of control with his drinking! It was also an "in your face" of how I was behaving with my AH; because my dog was driving me crazy!! What a lesson for me in detaching with love and minding my own business. Now, I'm just trying to get my dog better...
) After watching his behaviors, I realized that he is just like I was, while my AH was out of control with his drinking! It was also an "in your face" of how I was behaving with my AH; because my dog was driving me crazy!! What a lesson for me in detaching with love and minding my own business. Now, I'm just trying to get my dog better...