The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This site has been such a God send to me. I seem to come here three or four times a day and read post to gain understanding. I'm actually starting to feel a peace and calmness that hasn't been there in so very, very long. Its an awesome feeling. I used to get severe anxiety attacks on my drive home from work never knowing what i would be coming home too, and just hating even coming home. Tonight on my drive home I realized that the anxiety was not there. I still get sad now and then wishing my life with my AH could be different. I miss him, and love him more than anything. But when he's drunk I can't be around him. But thanks to so many of you I am learning to detatch and learning to live my life instead of just going through the motions. I actually have seen a few small changes in him since I've made changes in myself. He has been wanting to go with me when I go for groceries(he hates going to the store) gone to little school functions to see the grandkids(which has never happened) and trys to be considerate (which is new too). All which is great but then come evening pours a big glass of whiskey, then I simply excuse myself and leave the house. I actually joined a 24 hour gym so I have a place to go and do something productive. I no longer just lock myself away in my room. I'm enjoying my life, my daughters( have 4 daughters all grown) and grandkids( have 12, eleven yrs and under). I know i still have along way to go and alot of things to fix in myself, but I actually feel life can be good and I'm not a terrible person. Just sick and looking forward to recovery. Thank you for listening!
Congratulations on working on yourself and building a positive life in spite of the situation. It is great to hear even a little progress. Your post has inspired me. Thank you.
Aloha Sarebaer...good for you. This is the consequences we get when we work the program as suggested and as best we can. I'm happy for you cause I also remember the changes from insanity to peace of mind and serenity. More is coming I promise as you continue to work it. ((((hugs))))
You said: "I used to get severe anxiety attacks on my drive home from work never knowing what i would be coming home too, and just hating even coming home." OMG, that is sooooooo terribly familiar to me. I would know when I called my AH to tell him I was on my way home from work whether he had been drinking or not. If he had been, my heart just sank and I got a wrenching feeling in my stomach. So please know you are NOT alone.
GREAT WORK, though, on detaching from his drinking!! Like you, I cannot be around my H when he is drinking. My H is sober over 4 months now, but I have drawn my boundary that if he ever does relapse, I will ask him to leave the house and sober up.
Your plan of going out to work out or enjoy your daughters and grandkids is awesome. Keep up the good work!
That was a great share, thank you! I too feel that anxiety when I call home to say I am on my way and I can tell by my A's voice that he has something in him. I am working on detaching from that and realizing my own peace and serenity.... Thanks!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
