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This weekend we are celebrating Thanksgiving early. We have family coming in from out of town (all AH's side of the family). We are hosting it at our house. We started this tradition last year. Everyone comes to our house, and everyone helps out in preparing the meal. We don't eat a traditional Thanksgiving dinner because most of us don't like turkey, and there are a couple in the family that are vegetarian/vegan, and so we make dishes that cater to those preferences as well, but not all of the dishes will be meatless though. Anyways, my brother-in-law designed the menu for this year (went all out listing different dishes and writing out a description for each dish just like a nice restaurant would do). One of the things he put on the menu card was of course alcohol. Last year, there was alcohol here too, but AH wasn't drinking then, and the other family members are not alcoholics so it was not a big deal because no one got drunk, and most of them only had one or two drinks. He has listed wine and beer on the menu card, both of which is choices of drink that AH prefers. Now the kicker here is that the only people in the family that knows that AH is actively drinking again is myself and AH's mom. The other family that is coming either live out of town, or if they do live in town, we haven't seen them since AH started drinking again. So I am sure that if AH does decide to drink while everyone is here, there is going to be a conversation about it by the other family members because they know all about his past about alcohol getting him in a lot of trouble (felony DWI's, etc), and that he has had several years of sobriety under his belt, so him drinking is going to be a huge shock if he does drink. Not exactly a conversation I want to hear because I know I am going to hear all kinds of justifications by him of why it is ok for him to drink now which will make me highly uncomfortable. I just caught myself rolling my eyes just thinking about all the justifications he will probably come up with. I know there is nothing I can do to stop him from drinking if he decides to, and I also know there is nothing I can do to stop a possible conversation from starting up regarding him drinking by the other family members. However, just because I can't stop either one from happening, what I can do is detach from AH, and go about my business, and if the conversation does start up (which is likely to make me very uncomfortable), I can always excuse myself from the room and go find something else to do, such as play with my two boys, and my niece and nephew. Since the weather is supposed to be very nice here (high of 72 degrees), not only can I go play with the kids, but I can take them outside to play, that way I don't have to overhear the conversation while in another room. The less exposure I have to AH's drinking and to that possible conversation, the better I will be able to keep my serenity. I am trusting that my HP will help me get through this weekend. I am also going to continue to turn AH over to HP and just pray that HP will lead him back into recovery. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this weekend, as this is already a stressful situation for me even though it hasn't begun yet.
Thanks for listening.
Kimmy
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Kimmy
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Your post reminds me of how successful journaling can be because at the end of it... you came to the solution!
The problem is always "me"... the solution is always getting back to my HP. It's the only drama that ever really takes place in my life.
Can you see how his disease is triggering yours? We focus on them and go off into the future making up these stories about what "might" happen and suddenly our serenity is gone. Sadly, the present moment is spent in fear. My exAH had a drinking problem, I had a thinking problem doing this exact same thing.
It is none of ANYONE'S business whether he decides to drink or not this weekend. Everyone is off their side of the street by hanging their happiness and well-being on what he does or does not do. We are all powerless to control anyone's drinking. Your only responsibility is to take care of yourself... and it looks like you have some wonderful ideas on how you intend to do that, I applaud you! Well done!
Invite your HP to the party and then focus on the good stuff... they say, what you focus on, gets bigger and bigger. Determine to make it a good time... because it's your thanksgiving too. (((hugs)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
If you can remember that you are not responsible for your husbands behavior you will have a great time with the family , and it anyone asks questions about your husb simply say you don't know and perhaps they should ask him and walk away or change the subject . have a good one .
