The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday was a hard day. I started out being yelled at my ex-husband for something dumb. I fell for it and joined the arguement when I shouldn't have. I realized through talking with my sponsor that I needed to find a boundary and to not fall into the trap of letting him hook me in to the fight. I am not perfect. I am growing though. Later in the day, I took on some emotions that were not mine. Again, spoke to my sponsor and she helped me change my attitude, I was reminded to talk to HP and he helped too :) Then I got home and my A was drunk and had used. I was upset because I was hoping for a nice night, I placed expectations and then felt resentful. Again called my sponsor, and she turned my thoughts around. I realized that yes, he was drunk and on something, but that didn't mean I needed to get de-railed. That I had placed expectations and that I needed to release them and give him to HP. I learned that letting go and detaching from that disease would make me feel better. And I did feel better when I detached. Wow. I was able to laugh and be silly with him, and I stopped taking it personally. He is not like most addicts/alcoholics. I come home to a clean place, with dishes done, laundry going, food ready. He helps with bills and even does the cat box. He comes to the door when I get there, gives me a big hug and kiss, talks with me and makes eye contact. I was the one with an attitude when I could smell the vodka. I am learning though. And I know that after it all, I was just mad that he drank, and didn't follow my expectations. When I released that feeling, with the help of hp and sponsor, I felt like a weight was lifted and I was happy again. Thank you all for reading :)
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
Your wonderful example of HOW to USE the Tools of alanon touched my being. Thru your calls to your sponser and your hearing her suggestions, your inner attitudes changed and you were able to be "Happy if the alcoholic is still drinking or not"
It is all an inside jobs and depends on how we change our attitudes. Alanon tools and HP can accomplish that which I could not do alone.
You are a growing Sunflower and glad you're working your program and following the suggestions. Though I had to let go of the negative thoughts and feelings during this journey in recovery I did have to keep the acknowledgement that drinking and drugging negatively affects everything and one it comes in contact with and that was another reason to keep clean and sober people in my life. Clean and Sober is normal...high and intoxicated is not. High and intoxicated may become usual but it's not normal or even natural. Reacting to the drugs and alcohol is normal and usual and nothing to beat myself up on. Called your sponsor...great and stayed with your program of recovery greater still and very necessary. Thanks for sharing the process with us. ((((hugs))))
Thank you too Jerry. And I often think of that. How can I live with him in such an un-natural circumstance? Food for thought... It is something I think of all the time. I am working and practicing still :)
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
Lol, I had the same problem -- Instant Attitude, Just Add Smell of Vodka.
Thanks for sharing your experience so clearly and tangibly. I'll be taking some of your words with me for future thought.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
