The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
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level.
Went to the the first meeting last night and it went well. Lots of heartbreaking stories there and lots of people that know exactly what you are going through and they are not judgemental. What a nice thing. I almost backed out but pushed myself to go. My alcoholic boyfirend, while he says he has quit drinking, he is not interested in AA. Instead, he has begun going to church twice a week. It's not that I don't think that people can do it themselves (without 12 step) if they decide to, I just think that there is some part of him that still tells him, "This is not me." While he has admitted that there is a problem, he does not clearly vocalize it. When I say, "You are an alcoholic." He will respond that I am "probably" right. I am "absolutely" right.
I believe that he has not been drinking. But that is nothing unusual beccause he is not a daily drinker. Maybe he would drink 3 times a week. I know he can go good stretches without. But give em one and he's like a freight train - not stopping until he reaches the end of the line.
But that is not the important thing here, is it? The important thing is that I have drawn my line in the sand. I told him that I was going to Al-Anon. So even if he can't call himself an alcoholic, I am going to Al-Anon because I have an alcoholic in my life. I am not going to let him rain on my parade. I am going to do what makes me happy.
He knew I went but didn't ask about the meeting. That sounds familiar. How many times I didn't ask because I guess I didn't want to know. Even if he is hanging on for dear life, I am going to just keep marching in my direction.
Welcome here :) The most important thing I have learned is to detach from the disease and not hate my A when he drinks/uses. I learned that getting mad at him doesn't make me feel any better. So I am learning more and more every day. I came to Alanon this past July and it has only helped me. I have learned to not point fingers and to not yell at him, scream, silent treatment him or be passive agressive with him. I work hard to not do these things. I ask my HP to help me through hard times. Thank you for sharing and glad you had a great time at the meeting. Take care of you!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
You have done the right thing by going to an Al Anon meeting. Al Anon is for people who have been affected by another's drinking. You don't need to "prove" or even say that the person is an alcoholic -- just that their drinking affects you. Perhaps if you express it that way -- your drinking is affecting me -- without labels, it might be received better.
Also, your comment about the exchange between your BF and you about his drinking hit home. I used to say to my AH "I think you may be an alcoholic." He would say "you might be right" or "you are probably right." Then he would do nothing about it. That was his way of dodging an argument with me and allowing himself to keep drinking.
Your bf really doesn't need to know about your recovery although as you start to change that's when you may get push back. Alhtough I believe a 12 step program for recovery is best that doesn't mean everyone sees it that way. My son is totally against AA or NA so when he was in the jail/rehab program he chose more of a behavior mod type recovery. I am sure he wanted me to argue about what would be best for him because that's the way our conversations have always gone I want him in 12 step he digs his heels in and refuses. This time With a little alanon under my belt I just told him that it is his recovery and how he chooses to work it is none of my business. And knowing I am powerless over him and his disease I have to let him do what he thinks is best. If church works for your bf than so be it. I work alanon to deal with this disease and my husband uses church to deal with it and funny enough we are almost always on the same page. Wishing you the best of luck Blessings
Aloha Melissimala...you got the recovery attitude and you're going for your own peace of mind and serenity....absolutely YAY!! Share your program with the group and with MIP and keep him detached from it. He is not in recovery and you are not doing this for him. Xeno said "in time..." and she is right on. In time he will see your recovery in how you are living your life...most folk I know that get to watch that like it whether they are drinking or not. In support always (((hugs)))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 18th of November 2010 01:30:23 PM
"He will either drink, or he won't, what are YOU gonna do?"
You are choosing recovery - for you - and that is the important thing..... He might choose recovery, or he may not - but your path is still the same...
Good for you in following through with what YOU need
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Congratulations Melissimala! I'm so glad you went to a meeting. You're truly doing what's best for YOU!
There are lots of ways to get help out there and I've gone through a number of them. But I've learned more through Al Anon and F2F meetings in 1 1/2 months than in any other kind of counseling or therapy. For me, it's the 'Power of the Group'!
