The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been with my AH for 11 years. Through the first few years he was very physically and mentaly abusive and would disappear while on a binge with friends for days. After a few arrest for domestic violance and short tme in jail he did stop the physical abuse. He still drank everyday but certain things got somewhat better. I thought that after all these years of dealing with the drinking i would become more tolerable to it. But its just the opposite. I hit bottom and became someone i didn't even know anymore. the anger in me got so bad i felt like a crazy person. I would loose all control and just scream and yell and throw things cuz i just couldn't stand to hear or see him drunk. I didn't even like myself anymore. This was not who I am. Started reading alanon books trying to understand what i needed to do. understood the concept of detachment just wasn't sure how to apply it to my life. I have made it to 3 f2f meeting but the closest town is an hour away so not very convenient. I found this site a couple of weeks ago and it has opened up a new world to me. I have started feeling at peace. I need advise on what do i do when he gets so drunk he passes out then makes messes (urinates) throughout the house while blacked out and clueless. He gets up with his alarm and rushes to work not noticing anything. It has gotten to be a very big problem just this past month. I know their susposed to clean up after themselves but... he doesnt believe me. I care for my 86 year old mother and afraid he will wander into her room one day. I really dont know how i should handle this.
Aloha SB and welcome to the board. Just a suggestion? scroll back on the post and read about the new meeting that has been started in Africa because a member needed to have one there. The program will help you do that also. I will speak only for myself but I bet there will be lotsa others here that will also step up and support you if you feel that courageous to change the distance between you and a face to face meeting. You won't be alone and you are not alone now.
I've learned about holding my alcoholic responsible for her messes which included not only picking up after her but not even joining her in fixing it. When I quit enabling her by fixing up after her she got confused and I got some spare time and sanity back. You can leave him a note (say it nice) about the situation and add "it needs to be taken care of" and he should get the message. I didn't let blackouts be an excuse for picking up after my alcoholic. She might not have remembered the event but the consequence was still there. Give him the note and in detachment "assume he will be responsible for it."
Try it then let it go.
Good to have you at MIP. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
I am so glad you found us and have attended a few meeting. I too hit bottom and had to find help because of this terrible disease. Alanon has many consturctive tools that helped me to deal with the anxiety, fear, projections that enveloped me as I lived with this disease.
It is very important to break the isolation , live one day at a time, focus on yourself and your mental health, keep coming back here and sharing
Workable solutions will unfold and like you signature suggests:
"Never Stop Believing"
You are not alone
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 18th of November 2010 09:05:33 AM
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 18th of November 2010 09:06:09 AM
Welcome here :) (((HUGS))) Alanon is for you, to take care of you, realize you are powerless over this disease called alcoholism and work the steps with a sponsor. The boards and face to face meetings were my saving grace. I have found that seeking out my hp in times of trouble makes me feel better. Detaching from the disease and still loving the man helps too. I hope you find serenity in these rooms and on this board. Take care of you, one day at a time.
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
You have made it to the right place. My son is my A and by the time I hit my bottom and hit the doors of alanon I had become a completly different person, I was broken, lost and felt totally hopeless. Alanon has walked me through so many things that I thought would impossible to deal with and along with it I started to find the person I was meant to be. I found people who understood exactly what i was going through and made no judgements what so ever ( a totally new concept for me ). While it is work keep remembering you are worth it Keep going to meetings, educate yourself all you can on this disease ( the education is what helped with learning and practicing the detahcment process) This is a journey but it is so comforting that I had so many people walking this journey with me and so greatful for those who came before me and paved the path. You will never be alone in this again Keep on getting to those meetings when you can or join us here online for our twice daily meetings. Blessings
