The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He made the appointment, to help our relationship and get an official word on the issue. We're going together, at his therapist's suggestion (eval. is not with his therapist). I'm really nervous and hope it will go well, be useful, be healing, etc. Anyone been through this, know what to expect? Advice about how to act/feel/prepare emotionally and practically? I have printed out any emails I could find about AF's alcohol problem from last couple years in case doc asks me stuff and I need "evidence." I'm going to do my best to Let Go Let God, Live and Let Live, etc. I know this is for/about AF, not for/about me, but it IS for/about US as well, so.... And then I'm worried what if AF lies, what if doctor not competent, what if something goes wrong....I know these are "bad" worries; it just feels so much might be riding on this, I want it to go well. Thanks
PS thanks White Rabbit for asking me to clarify "CD" - I've edited the title to give the full words.
-- Edited by Imogen421 on Wednesday 17th of November 2010 12:11:43 PM
-- Edited by Imogen421 on Wednesday 17th of November 2010 12:58:44 PM
All you can do is give your perspective of what is going on , alcoholics lie first to themselves then to others . Keep your expectations low . from Al-Anons perspective it really dosent matter how much they drink what matters is how it affects you when he does . Louise
I'd also say it doesn't really matter what the doctor says - yes or no, either he'll be diagnosed with a chemical dependency or he won't. And then either the AF will seek recovery or he won't.
I typically found with the alcoholic that no matter what glaring hard-proof evidence was in front of him, if he wanted to drink, he would find the excuse to do so. Doctor told him from his bloodwork that his liver is under tremendous strain from all the drinking and he's on the cusp of liver disease. Didn't stop him. Being convicted in court for driving under the influence didn't stop him, either. Talking with a counselor, who specializes in substance abuse, who told him it's clear he has a substance abuse problem didn't stop him.
I've lost count of all the times I'd sit there getting my hopes up that by having someone ELSE tell him he has a drinking problem that it would be the eye-opener for him, only to soon after see him back to cracking open the beers every night.
The alcoholic has to want recovery for themselves to truly seek recovery. No one can will it for them.
Keep getting yourself to meetings. If you haven't found a sponsor yet, that should be your next step.
I also have never heard of this assesment My belief is that until the A tells you he is an alcoholic, actually admits it it doesn't matter one bit what anyone else thinks or diagnoses. Probably not what you wanted to hear but I can't think of one instance of all the A's in my life where even if they were told by a doctor they were an alcoholic or addict that it would have made any difference what so ever. Of course you will have to assume your AF will be truthful and A's have a hard time with that. Then you have to assume the Doctor is credible. I have known many doctors that were addicts themselves so were very dismissive on the subject. What I see is you getting really wrapped up in AF's disease, you are taking the focus off of you and have him under the microscope. My suggestion...get your focus back on you and off your AF....he gonna do what he's gonna do no matter what you or any doctor tells him. Take care of yourself first and foremost even if you get the best case senerio where your AF admits he's an A and seeks recovery, you are still going to need the support of the fellowship because your A is going to get his support from his fellowship. Wishing you all the best Blessings
I was under the impression that the assessment was to help determine a treatment plan...I don't know if it's to "determine if there's a problem"....I guess you'll find out soon. This sounds like a HP situation...it's out of your control.
I'm proud of him, I can hear him talking to the CD counselor now over the phone (he is in the same room; I'm not eavesdropping). he's being very honest so far. Thank you HP of my significant other.
