The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been feeling ok, grateful even lately and generally satisfied and happy. But I'm feeling my mood turn little by little....some things I think are causing it are:
1. i"m having knee surgery (arthro, torn cartlidge) on Thursday and I'm a little afraid. Also I feel concerned that I'll be sitting around with so much to do. 2. In addition I will miss my therapy sessions for 2 weeks due to surgery and holiday. My therapy sessions are the highlight of my week (and yes, I've often commented on here that I find that sad in a way, but then again I do enjoy, look forward and get so much out of them). I realize all this is out of my control, and am having a hard time with it. I've stocked some movies and video games and books, but to be honest, that will last me about a day and I'll be going crazy after that. 3. No exercise, and I'll really miss my long walks with my dog, getting my daughter off the bus etc. (Boy did I suddenly get grateful for those things in the last few days!!!). 4. Wife has planned to stay home to care for me,....sounds nice but:' a) she doesn't get paid when she doesn't work and we need the money. b) she can be overbearing at times (even with good intentions), and I would really rather be alone at least for some stretches at a time. Sad to say but I look forward to when she's not home usually. Those thoughts that always come are starting to sneak in...."I'm disappointed in my wife, my life, my house, my car etc.".....other people have a better (fill in the blank) and stuff like that. I'm fighting it off. Plan to cook tonight which always helps...but not looking forward to the next week or so, while I'm going to be dependent.
When I had two different ovarian cysts rupture that was so painful and made me very sick for 2 weeks, I realized that sometimes these things happen because we need to rest and take care of ourselves. I have ADD and have a very hard time resting. I like to be busy at home, work, life etc. Sleep is like a fever, I am glad when it ends because I feel as if I am wasting time in the bed. I have a hard time laying on the couch watching a movie because my mind wanders off and I begin talking about other things while the movie is on. My bf actually helped me a lot during those two weeks, making me soup, encouraging me to rest and keeping the house picked up etc. It was like my HP kind of made me take a much needed rest. I have panic attacks, depression, PTSD and ADD... I realized I needed that rest. My body needed it. After 35 years of constant anxiety, it was ok to relax. I still have all of that, but I am learning to let go and relax. Its hard, but it works when you work it... Take care of you! I wish you well in your surgery and relaxation time :)
-- Edited by sunflowergirl on Tuesday 16th of November 2010 04:08:59 PM
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
MJH, just want to share with you one thing from my own experience...during a time when I could not make it to in-person therapy sessions (which I, like you, valued very much...I don't think that is a bad thing at all...it shows you are embracing learning about yourself and the awesome human being that is MJH), my therapist agreed to a phone session.
Good luck with your surgery. I will keep you in my thoughts!
Let me share the two knee surgeries I had the last year.
I had torn myself up well, horse trampled me and a horse too. Plus I slipped and fell at walmart....
Anyway the first one I drove myself home. Was on crutches.
I had no one to take care of me, fed all the animals, did it all. Walked with the crutches, took nothing for pain.
The second time recently, I had to have son drive me home. But it hurt worse this time. I was stupid and said no pain med after surgery during recovery. OMG it hurt, Had to have dilaudid every couple hours.
BUT when I got home all I took was Darvocet a little. Back on crutches, fed my animals, took 100% care of me.
I made sure I had food I liked, ez stuff to cook. etc. My house is tidy so nothing was on the floor to trip on.
I guess I am sharing this to reassure you! Do what your doc says, but honestly I sure did not need anyone around. It won't be as painful as you might think. Plus if you can take nsaids you will be fine. I cannot take them.
They will take good care of you at the hospital. It is a very often done surgery.
My doc told me to get up and walk with crutches.
Well things will be ok! Let us know how you are. debilyn
I recently began going off into the future too, it's a defect of mine. When I do that, I'm not present, not enjoying the moment, and I'm usually in fear about what "might" happen. I have to remember, this isn't a self-help program, God is going to do for me what I can't do for myself. It's all about trusting God, cleaning house and helping others... and if I'm not trusting God, I need to ask for help with that.
It seems very wise to plan ways to support yourself during this time. But if you believe your HP cares for you.... you might choose to believe something very good could happen. Be open. Be willing.
((hugs))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
What's good for me when stuff happens is always to have it catchment with a positive mental attitude and spirit. Day before Thanksgiving I going in for eye surgery damned if it isn't better to talk to positive people rather than negative doom and gloomers because from experience I've learned that the intenisty of the pain is directly related to the attitude I'm wearing before the surgeon arrives. So what better holiday to get fixed (eyes that is) than on Thanksgiving day? I go in with the hope that I may not be as blind in the left eye as I am now or even blind at all. Extra prayers? Send them toward the Pacific. Mahalo (((((hugs)))))
Ya know, I am also in therapy - I go every 2 weeks. I love being able to go in there where it's quiet and semi dark, sip my coffee, not have children pulling on me or my 6 bosses all throwing stuff at me at once, no phone ringing or email, just no chaos. It's calm, it's quiet, I can think before I speak - all things that I don't get much of in the rest of my life. I LOVE my sessions, and I look forward to them wholeheartedly. I've come to value them so much because I feel validated in them - like the things I think and feel may not be normal for a person that did not grow up in chaos or dysfunction, but that are completely expected given the circumstances. I love feeling that I am not alone and that someone out there understands why I react the way I do to particular things. I love talking about recovery, recognizing how much progress I have made, and listening to suggestions for what I might find beneficial. And I love that my therapist is a recovering addict himself - so he's not just telling me things in a vacuum, he's actually experienced some of the same things I have. It's really and truly amazing. I am glad for you that you have a wonderful therapy experience as well. I dont believe that it's "sad," that therapy would be the highlight of someone's week - I think it's normal. :)
Good for you for finding something to do that you enjoy when those doubts begin to creep in!! You are working it!
Best of luck with your surgery, and prayers for a speedy recovery -
My first thought was you would be able to join us here online for our twice daily meetings. I am usually in the AM meetings but will be going on vacation for the holidays next weeks so will miss a few. But I'll be there Friday through monday would honestly love for you to join us...please think about it. Also the idea of a phone session with your therapist is a great idea and many therapist are very open to that option. I think you will be up and around quicker than you may think, you may not be moving as fast lol but you will be mobile soon after the surgery. Thats not to say you should over do it but you can at least go out on the porch for fresh air. I had neck surgery a few years back, had to wear a brace for 3 months. And any kind of slip or fall would have been tragic for me. Well 2 days after I got home, it had been snowing and cold, lots of ice on the ground and I looked out my window and saw what I thought was my sisters dog running down the street. K i am in my PJ's but knew my sister ( who lived down the street) would be devestated to lose her dog. So I grabbed a coat and in my slippers went out to catch this dog, I ran after him for 2 blocks slipping and sliding all the way but thankfully not falling. Finally caught the dog and wrestled him back the 2 blocks and into my backyard. Called my sister at work to tell her I had her dog. She came over and damn if that dog wasn't hers lol. We did find the owners who came and picked them up. Anyway point being you will be able to do more than you are projecting right now. Might be a good time for some guitar practice no? Maybe use this time to work your program? You have lots of options you just aren't seeing them yet. Good luck with your surgery !!!!! Will be praying for you Blessings
