The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I found these message boards through my desperation last week and started reading each and every post trying to find relief. For the last several days I've kept reading. Yesterday after another painful episode w/my husband I somehow found the patience, kindness, focus, to address our situation differently than I had been. My response was definately the result of learning from what all of you had been sharing.
I attended Al Anon in the 80's and realize now I have to return. I plan to go to the next meeting in our area which is Thurs. My husband stopped drinking 20 years ago, went through treatment, and like me, stopped going to meetings.
Yesterday, after the "episode" my husband said to me," So now you're mad at me again and now you're going to stop talking to me again?" Yes, this was my usual pattern!
I was so much more in control of my emotions than I had been in a very long time...thanks to all of you. I responded calmy, but firmly that his behavior was unacceptable, but from now on it was his job to fix "him", etc. I was able to say things that I hadn't been able to say in years, but had been thinking about. Like how happy and funny he used to be and how unhappy we'd become. I shared that I was going to do what I had to do to fix ME.
Inside I was soooo upset, but kept my voice calm and kind. Guys, this is a big change for me. The anger response was gone. I am grateful to each of you for helping me to get here. I kept thinking to myself - thank God I read thoses messages!!!
I want you to know how very grateful I feel and I thank each and every one of you.
Congratulations! I think that going back to Al Anon is a great idea. And, from the way you described your encounter with your H, it looks like you still have some of the tools!
Well done...it seems fixing ourselves is the magic pill.....in that it's all we can do sometimes and yet seems to help. After all we just want to be happy right? What I'm discovering is that even when things are good with the wife, I still can find things that bother me about other poeple, places and things. There is a perspective issue for me, absolutely.
