The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
today is what I call a low self esteem day. For various reasons, I have not felt good about myself today. I have found myself dwelling on my own past mistakes, as well as many of the hurtful things my AH has said and done.
I've been trying to refocus my energy, but it has been tough. However, I want to claim my victory over my co-dependency today. A month ago I would have brought my blues to my AH, looking for validation and an apology for his past behavior. Today I recognize that this mindset is my illness, and my own responsibility. It is for me to understand why I get this way, for me to be kinder to myself, and for me to choose to live in joy. So today I spared myself the inevitable drama of placing expectations on my AH on the words I wanted him to say, when I know that even if he followed my"script" word for word, I still wouldn't be satisfied.
Thank you all, and Al Anon, for helping me to know these things, and to make choices that are healthier emotionally.
What a wonderful realization! We all have down days - so don't let it get you even more down. Looks like you are going to do some digging around regarding your triggers and learn from it. What a great post!
I too have had doubts that slip in - HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. One of those? Could be the culprit. For me, it is tired. Just moved and still pullling 50 hour work weeks - immense yardwork on both houses, pool work, heavy lifting, lots of chemicals. When the tears come, which they have - it is ok. I turn to a meeting here at MIP and they lift me up. Pretty soon - if I ever find what box I packed my underwear in - I will head to my first local face to face. All new! I am scared. But it will be fine.
hmmmm . . . maybe skivvies are optional . . .
You inspire me. Thank you.
Tricia
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Thank YOU Tricia! HALT...today, for me, it's Lonely. Always sad when my girls go back to their dad's on Mondays...took the day off from work to take the baby to two medical appointments. The baby is so joyful and fun, and it it so great to have time with him, but I have definitely felt lonely today. Thanks for helping me see that!
Not bad at all Steph...growth in the face of negativity. That's a program gem that my sponsor taught me. "You always have alternatives...always" and he was completely right. I can change and even restart my day at anytime for whatever need. Program works when you show up and then work it.
