The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So lately I've been feeling my serenity slip. I just haven't been feeling like myself! Usually I would've never noticed this happen. I would have felt resentment towards my A for "making" me stressed out.
I thought about this for a while- Why don't I feel at peace? I knew it was because I was trying to control & fix things about not just my A but others as well, but I wanted to know why at a deeper level. I think I figured it out.
Before Al-Anon, this is how I lived my life: I'd feel resentment and anger towards my A for messing up his program and not "listening" to me when I told him what to do. Then I'd feel really guilty about blowing up or having anger towards "the poor guy" and I'd start to feel compassionate and caring for him because it's a disease. Then that compassion would turn into me trying to control him again. I cared and just wanted him to be happy/safe/sober!! When he didn't listen, I'd get sad because he was obviously not happy. Then that sadness would turn into resentment and anger and there's the start of the cycle again....
Lately he's been doing so well in his recovery and I've been really proud of him. I think I've started to care too much. Well, maybe not care too much but not detach enough. I really need to work on detaching from him when he's doing well and when he's not, but still having love. I can't keep worrying about him and his serenity because it makes mine slip!
Anyhow, I'm glad I was able to pinpoint my emotions; thank God for al-anon! Now I just need to keep working it. Thanks for reading!
" I can't keep worrying about him and his serenity because it makes mine slip!"
IT does not make yours slip. NOTHING can make yours slip UNLESS YOU CHOSE to let it take control and make yours slip.
YOU MAKE THE CHOICE to be in CONTROL of YOUR OWN SERENITY. Right now you are at a crossroads, and the signposts read:
Turn left to Escape Route to FAILURE and turn RIGHT to Avenue of SUCCESS. AND you are in CONTROL of your destination by the CHOICE you make right now.
Gosh, I so know what it is to take the wrong turning and believe the lie, and to realise the solution to my problem is in my choice. Having the ability to CHOSE gives me the CONTROL.
The choice is YOURS. Don't go down the Escape Route to FAILURE. Turn off down the Avenue of SUCCESS.
I am standing at the crossroads and pointing the way, and waving and cheering and hoping you will take the right turning. Lots of love,
Suzannah
P.S. sorry about the spelling mistakes that made it necessary for me to edit this post.
-- Edited by Suzannah on Monday 15th of November 2010 08:37:59 AM
-- Edited by Suzannah on Monday 15th of November 2010 08:39:59 AM
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
. I really need to work on detaching from him when he's doing well and when he's not, but still having love. I can't keep worrying about him and his serenity because it makes mine slip!
Anyhow, I'm glad I was able to pinpoint my emotions; thank God for al-anon! Now I just need to keep working it. Thanks for reading!
Hi Susie
I too am grateful for alanon and the tools I developed to help me know myself . The gift of looking deep within to find my answers was so very special and important to my recovery.
. I was reminded of the 3 As as I read your post I heard great awareness This is what I do- focus on him etc, acceptance this action causes my serenity to slip and an action plan I am grateful that I can see this and i will continue to work the program.
Focusing on myself was the best tool al anon gave to me. it enabled me to let go of negative attitudes and use the simple constructive tools that helped eliminate my negative inner voices..
You are doing fine just keep coming back It is a process. Love your Avatar
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 15th of November 2010 09:13:34 AM
Yes, as another recovering control freak here (as we are out of control when we focus on others) I think it is all about the control. As u work on you and make changes in your life, you will begin to feel empowered by that growth. I know for me that is how it worked. And once I could see how it was easier to change me, then to try to change them- heck, I wasnt going to have to talk me into it or resent me for the change, no I love me more for the changes and it is an awesome feeling gaing personal power back from the disease.
It is a disease for us (just as much them) bc it influences our thinking, behavior and subsequent perceptions. I grew up in this chaos/dysfunction/lifestyle whatver you want to call it. It is a sick manipulative dynamic that we feed into - that happens when we blame and rescue each other -but yet, we can only change and control us.
We cannot feel, think or cope for another person, but we can do it together and be in loving support of one another, and that is the best we can all do - it is healthy.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
