It is hard or impossible to just get over something.  If it is bothering you, then it is bothering you.

I know this whole program thing became easier for me when I could see that my behavior of going back to my compuslion and fixating on another to the point that I then have to know what he is doing, when I already know it is bad or hurtful to me... then to go through that and see how the beahvior once again hurts me - it provides you a comparative choice.  You can see how you feel when you go down one path and you can see what it brings you when you go down the other prickly path.  The hooks once again get under our skin and we cant shake the obsession.

What worked for me best at any time when I didnt know how or what to do, I surrender it and turn it over in prayer to HP/god.  Whatver we willingly hand over/surrender to HP, god takes it.  Become willing to let go and if you dont know how to, pray for the willingness to get there. 

My therapist said forgiveness is a exercise we practise often.  One does it in incriments and layers, u cant expect to rid yourself of a lifetime of forgiveness in a few tries, it can take handing it over many times.  The practise of releasing and letting go and handing it over is a very good and healthy one for us.  What we cling to - becomes a trap anyway.  Resistence creates pain.

Change your focus, focus on YOU and what u think or feel right now.  What interests and hobbies do you have?  What did u like as a kid?  What can you do right now to allow you to feel a little bit better or with more respect about yourself?  This was my magic question, what can I do right now to allow me to feel better? and then I would do that thing, no matter what it was, I just didnt judge it, I took it and ran!

As he pops into your head, re direct yourself, say 'oh tricky ego/mind!' and turn him over to his HP bc u are not it and he is not yours.  Save yourself and set some booundareis and dont read the stuff - put it into another file and dont look at it or whatver you have to do to control yourself.
   for me, I would have most likely had to just erase them and not read them.  When i set boundaries to change initially, I weeded out all of the users and hangers on and advantage takers and let them all fall away.  I quit chasing them and I quit being available to them.  I was single until I had good firm boundareis and then when I did date (and I enjoyed drinking a fair amount back then) I was very cautious about who looked and acted and sounded like an A - to me - and I am sure some of them had thier own judgements about me, all people do.  I didnt care, if I felt any like - way too much excitement and like it was fireworks - I was told to stay away from anyone that I had that reaction with, bc most likely it was an A.
   If it looked like a duck, quacked like a duck, looked at anything sideways, it was yes it was nice to meet you and no taking the phone call again.  

It took a few months of dating to find a guy that wwas open minded, accepted me as I was and did not criticise or try to change me - he had manners and was always thoughtful.  I was cvareful it two years of dating not to ever call him first, suggest any date ever (if he asked what I wanted to do, then I said but I never initiated that conversation) or asked probing questions.  Previously I had chased men all of my life and made it conveneient for them to have a really great fun time with me.  Who could say no?  Well that was exaclty what I was entriely sick of - I wanted a man that wanted me, and I was going to watch and see what they/he did without any of my prompting.
   Turns out detaching from men and finding my own interests makes me much more captivating and he comes to see what I am into and check up on me all the time lol.  I allow him to pursue me which is in his dna anyway. 

Boundaries gave me my first taste/glimpse into loving detachment in action and then the self esteem and self respect followed like a shadow. 

Take care of YOU whatever that looks like.

Thank you both.

I know I overreact and I know it will take time. I am finally enforcing the boundary of not accepting unacceptable behavior. I haven't called or emailed. It's been almost 2 weeks, so I have made progress. It's hard not to pry for information from others who know him, but it is better for me not to.

I did receive an email here at work today that he sent last night. He basically says that he is not worthy of having a real relationship and has never been successful in changing and understands why I find it sickening. It really makes me feel a bit sad for him that he doesn't have it in him to want to do anything about himself. I think I will just let him know that if he decides to work on change that I will support him. (It did make me feel good to hear that he still cares lol) That is all I can and all I will do. I have made it this far and I refuse to cave this time. I already know what that leads to.

Patience is correct. It takes a long time to retrain the brain to be in a better place. I have lived it long enough to know.

Thanks again, and I already know that I will keep coming back! (sorry for the big ramble, sometimes feels good to listen to what I am saying lol - ad nauseum of course)