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I'm so sick of living at my house right now. My family is pushing me away every chance they get. I went to the grocery store tonight with my ex a so we could talk and try to just be friends. I asked my dad if I could go and he said yes. Then my mom calls me an hour later asking me who I was with. I told her to ask my dad and she said she did and he said he had no idea. My dad lied to my mom after telling me how horrible lying was. I can't believe how hypocritical he was being. Anyway, I told her who I was with and she yelled at me to come home and told me I wasn't allowed to see him anymore. I just hung up and drove home. I hate that they are treating me like a child I am 20 years old and I can make my own decisions. I understand their concern but my mom is being ridiculously controlling. I came home and fought with them for at least an hour before my dad finally said I was mature enough to make my own decisions. I just can't believe they are being this way. I have always been the good child. I don't swear, have never done drugs, smoked, or ever touched a drop of alcohol. No tattos, piercings, skipping class, nothing. I have always done what ever they have asked me to and more. So why are they acting like I am commiting murder? To make matters worse, my older brother who I love so much is acting like a total jerk. Turns out my mom has been telling him that I'm throwing my life away and tonight me and him got in a fight. He told me that he hates who I am now and he doesn't even want to look at me. I can honestly say that I have changed since being with my A, but not for the bad. My dad confirmed this when I asked him. I am just so ready to leave this house. It sucks because I love my family so much but I am just learning how controlling they are. I am pretty much stuck here. I am going to school and desperately looking for a job, but the economy is horrible. I just feel uncomfortable in my own home. I hate it here now and I hate that I hate it. :'(
When I was with my ABF, my family and friends hardly ever came near me, and we are a very close family...but i had my rose coloured glasses on and was in denial so I chose not to see it. If I had stayed with him I am pretty sure that i would have become more and more distant from the people that truly loved and cared about me. We should not have to choose but I did in the end, I think i would have lost the respect of my son if I had stayed with him. I would've liked to remain friends but we all know where that leads most of the time...right back to hell.... but had you asked me 5 months ago, I would have maintained that he was the love of my life... just be good to yourself, I know how hard it is, now i just feel angry at myself mainly for accepting behaviour from someone who supposedly loved me but who treated me rather shabbily...friends really dont do that to each other. Your family care about you, its hard for them too as it was for my mum, she told me she could see me becoming more and more withdrawn....you cant fake happy...not really...and sometimes we tell our friends and family too much about our problems and then we get angry cos they judge our partners...i mean seriously how can they not when they see us so unhappy...dont know bout you but that was my experience....
Brooke Hi, I am not making excuses for your parents by any means, just offering an explanation. I would guess that they are very worried about you and concerned for you seeing this attachment you have to an addict. I say this as a parent myself. They probably dont know what to do and are reacting with fear which can lead to trying to control your behavior. Your right, you are old enough to make your own decisions, but willingly and knowingly putting yourself in harms way is a scary thing for a parent to watch their child do. Does that make any sense? With all you have gone thru, can you for a moment imagine you had kids and one was proclaiming the love of their life being an addict? Brooke, I assume you read the boards here and have a fairly good idea what life with an addicted person looks like. Please work your program and learn as much as you can about yourself and why we end up in these toxic relationships, becasue thats what they are. No nice way to put that.........ty and glad your with us. :)
You are certainly a good daughter, I can see that in your posts So first I will speak as a parent My daughter is/was much like you. Always the good kid, excelled in school, athletics and anything she put her mind to. Unlike you she was/is extremly independant and we trusted her judgement always. Right up until the point she got a bf who was not an A but he used and abused her emotionally and mentally and we watched our once strong self sufficent daughter melt into a puddle of self doubt, her self esteem hit an all time low, she had suicidal thoughts all because of what this boy would say to her. I know this is not the case with you..but as a parent all I saw was my beautiful talented daughter reduced to a total melt down. As good parents we felt the need to step in even though she was an adult and lived on her own. We invited her and her bf over for a "talk" which was really more of us threatning him that if he hurt our daughter again there would be no where on earth he could hide from us. We weren't kidding. Naturally soon after he broke up with her for good, she blamed us ( who wouldn't) and to be honest our relationship has never been the same. That's not to say what we did was right... in all reality our daughter should have been allowed to find out and realize for herself what an awful person this guy was. But as a parent we had no way of knowing when or if that would ever happen. This child we trusted all her life was now seeing that her parents "didn't" trust her to handle her own relationship. Did we do the wrong thing? Yea we did. But parents don't give up the need to protect thier child at all costs over night. I am sure we could have handled it better, but being older and with more experience we could see exactly where that relationship would have led her. Just like your parents ( as controlling as they may be) can see how destructive your relationship with your exbf can be for you and they are trying to protect you. Now just speaking as a person ( not a parent) with a little bit of experience under her belt. I can tell you with certainty attempting to remain friends with an "ex" especially a very needed ex one you are looking to rescue can not lead anywhere good....I have been there and done that. You will soon get sucked back into the relationship and all your focus is going to be back on "fixing him". As hard and as hurtful as it is to go through right now detaching yourself from your exbf it will be so much more painful should you get sucked back into his life with the thoughts you can "support" him in his efforts to get clean, or love him enough that he wants to get clean. When you do this you are going to lose your own self in his disease. Please continue to keep the focus on you and your recovery...if you do that as this program works in ALL aspects of your life you will gain the tools to deal with your parents and your exbf. Us parents are a breed of our own and will go to any and all lenghts to keep our children from suffering. Although it seems they are being mean to you in thier head, while they may not be handling this in the right way they think they are protecting you. I wish you all the best in your recovery Blessings
Oh Brooke, I have tears in my eyes as I read your post. You see, I am your controlling mother.
I have a cherished and beautiful 18 year old daughter whom I adore and think the world of. I tried to help her make the best choices for her life, including friends and boyfriends, jobs, classes etc.
All I ever wanted to do was be there for her and help her so she would not have to endure the painful choices I made as a teen due to nonexistent parental guidance.
Well I tried to hard and controlled (attempted) too much and now she is gone. She is living with her (potential)abf in his parents basement.
I suppose for her there living conditions (which are not that great) are worth the price of freedom.
I miss her so much and pray everyday that this mess will soon clear up. But she and I are still learning our lessons.
If I may make a suggestion to you as someone who care and understands first hand; Talk with your mother, give her a big hug and let her know how much you love her. Tell her you are trying to grow up and make the good choices she has shown you and taught you. Let her know that you need a little space and freedom.
She maybe resistant at first but keep expressing your need to grow and spread your wings and keep giving her hugs and let her know how much you care.
I hope that you can work this out in a more peaceful way then how my daughters plight for independence unfolded.
Thanks so much for sharing Brooke and keep posting. It is good to let it out here and not sideways on your family members.
Thank you all for your support. I worked things out with my mom and dad and brother. I couldn't go to bed last night with them or me being angry. The "fights" I get in last all of one hour in most cases. I suppose I just need time to push my thoughts aside and see things from their point of view. You see, not only am I the "good" child. I am also the baby. That in and of itself should have told me how protective my parents are of me. I tried to look at things through their eyes and I know where they are coming from. Although they were harsh, I understand that sometimes that happens when people are scared for the ones they love. My mom is my best friend and my dad is my anchor. I wouldn't be me without them. Well I guess I literally wouldn't exist without them. Haha. Anyways, I do love them more than anything in the world. We've reached an understanding and we've been all smiles and hugs today as usual. Not a day goes by that I'm not extremely grateful to have them as parents. I am the luckiest girl in the world. I guess I just need to remember that they do what they do simply because they love me and want what's best for me. We're all growing and learning through this experience. For Ginger90, I am sure your daughter misses you more than you'll ever know. The bond between a mother and her daughter is one of the strongest in the world. I'll bet you anything she's wanting to reconcile with you and put this whole mess behind her. You seem like a very loving mother. She'll come around. She's young so it may take some time, but in the end she'll have grown immensely as a person and will be so much wiser. Hang in there and I'll be praying for you. Xenop59 and DreamXL thank you both so much for taking the time to respond to my childish rantings. Your input really helped me see things more clearly. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have this much support. And Lizz, thank you for sharing your story with me. It feels wonderful hearing from someone who has gone through the same experiences that I'm currently going through. I guess I just wanted to say thank you to all of you and let you know that for the moment, all is well. I will remember the things you all have told me. Thank you and I hope you have a great night. :)
