The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am stuck in neutral/reverse again. I cant seem to stop sitting, staring at the computer and trying to process things in my head.
I am off work today, it is a beautiful day outside but I seem to be stuck living between my ears.
Am I lazy, over analyzing, do I suffer from lack of direction? Quite possibly yes to all.
Ugh! I hate being like this. Sometimes I think I just dont know where to begin, so I sit and overthink.
I start thinking about my kids, what If this happens, what if that happens, I miss them, I wish they were little again, I made a lot of mistakes while they were growing up.
Stop! I wish I could just turn it all off and go do something productive, enjoyable and that I could be proud of. But it never happens because I continue to sit in this same spot and go round and round in my head.
I wish I could shut my brain off for awhile and plug into someone elses.
Well sorry for the rant but I really needed to get it out.
When this starts happening to me, I call my sponsor, read on MIP, read Language of Letting go or Courage to Change and try to change my attitude. I realize I have to hand everything over to my HP and that I cannot control any of it. I can't go back in time and change it, if I project about the future I get sick. I bring it back around to me. I take a walk. Enjoy the sun. Put on some good music... bake, cook, write, draw.... things for me :)
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
There's no doubt it's our "disease" (or "dis - ease" ) that get's us thinking like this. I'll assume all your points (as I believe of myself) are legitimate. But like me, what good does it do to ruminate hour after hour over them. Taking steps to fix things always makes us feel better, at least eventually. From what I"m hearing that usually means starting with ourselves....fixing us. Good luck...I know how you feel.
Aloha Ginger...I never like that condition also and in time with practice it will come...Little steps first...getting outside in the day with a busy mind is very different than inside a small space with a busy mind. For me the change came in the "letting go" practices...slogans, focuses on other things, calling program friends, reading...the stuff that has already been suggested. In time with practice...it changes. ((((hugs))))
"I start thinking about my kids, what If this happens, what if that happens, I miss them, I wish they were little again, I made a lot of mistakes while they were growing up."
I sure related to that...our son is an addict and i drove myself insane trying to figure out where we went wrong. My husband and I both come from addictive families, my family was extremely abusive. We made a decision our children would never grow up like that...even moved away from all our A's so they didn't have to see the daily chaos and insanity of this disease. We only had alcohol in our home for special occasions and certainly no drugs. We gave our children what we thought was the perfect life ( literally ) we loved them to death, we supported them in all thier endeavors, were very involved parents. built up thier self esteems at every turn etc. Yet our son became an addict, how did that possibly happen? It happens because this disease knows no socio-economic boundaries, this disease is genetic, possibly our son has a mental health issue we never saw on and on I do know is I became obsessed with learning about this disease, I came to alanon because I thought the good people here would show me how to "fix" my son. Was so disappointed when I found the program was for me...I mean I wasn't the sick one. Yeah right! By the time I hit the doors of alanon I was just as if not sicker than my son. I needed help desparatly in order to regain my sanity and literally to save my own life. But after obsessing on this disease it was time for me to get out there and start practicing what I had learned. It was hard at first but it gets easier with time and there is a joy that comes when you put your program into practice at least there is with me. And maybe it's not actual joy but a sense of peace that alluded me for so many years. Wishing you well on your recovery Blessings
