The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is so easy for me to take on the feelings of loved ones. If they are worried, I start to become worried, if they are angry, I start to become angry, etc. I am noticing how automatic these reactions are for me. No wonder I have felt so angry and exhausted. I have been carrying my feelings, plus the feelings of those around me!!
This is where detachment plays a big role. I can allow others the dignity to have their own reactions and feelings and I can act valuable for me in the process by not taking on someone else's disease.
How absolutely refreshing that I don't have to feel things for others. I am not God. Thank goodness. I was trying to play God, and I found out the hard way that I am humanly incompetent to play God!! What a relief.
Kath, I am learning this lesson right now, too. It has an added dimension for me; not only does it exhaust me to take on others' feelings, but it inhibits me from feeling my OWN feelings and when others' feelings are negative toward me, I start to believe those negative things about myself (even when they are not even remotely true).
Keep working on you, keep feeling your own feelings, and keep sharing!
Oh my gosh, This is something I have struggled with repeatedly with my children, especiall my daughter.
Funny thing is since I have been trying to work this program I have noticed how my husband takes on any strong emotions I show and magnifies them 100X.
Due to his reactions I am learning not to react so quickly and complain at the kids over trivial things.
It seems to be helping the whole families serenity level.
I do this as well. In my new experience here at alanon, I am learning to detach (with love, with those whom I love). That said, I work hard at it and it is hard to do. I know I can apply this program to all my affairs, to my whole life. So, since I sit at the front desk at work, I have found that if I remain calm when someone comes in and is upset, that they in turn become more calm. If I don't join them in their excitement/anger what have you, I feel better and don't take on their stuff. We are learning :) It works if you work it!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
