The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It has been a week since I have been with my Abf alone. We were supposed to have a date last night. I cried my eyes out of course. Still wishing he would email me or something. Then again, I hope he doesn't. Plus I had to have a gynelogical procedure yesterday. Nothing too major I guess, but still a rude awakening. Made me realize that I will not be having sex anymore for awhile. Who cares right? He wouldn't have been supportive anyway.
How long does this process take? I know there are no answers. Anyone else struggling? Boo hoo, time to move on and stay strong.
I have learned to keep my focus on me. Alanon has taught me and my sponsor reminds me daily to keep on my side of the street and tend to me. I work hard on this. When I began to really work the program and its steps, I began to feel better about everything. I am a work in progress. I have bad days still, but I am more and more able to come out of it and am starting to accept me for me and learning to love me. Keep coming back, and take care of you :)
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
Yes, Lori.....You'll be fine..... I'm struggling too (unfortunatley with occasional anxiety attacks). I know I feel desperate for serenity once more...
It's great that you are taking care of yourself by getting the check-up! (something I myself have procrastinated on)......Take baby steps, and try to focus only on today. It's like they say, the Sistene Chapel wasn't made in a day.
So far I've attended 2 face to face meetings since starting the week, Monday, and plan at least 2 more. Constantly flipping through my ODAT book helps when I look in the index and reference whatever mood I may be feeling.
5 years ago I was desperate, grasped the program, was spoiled/comfortable with almost 4 years of my loved one being sober and productive and I'm back to square one. I've been a whiny baby :) I confess......but things will get better.
Lori, I'm not sure how you feel about Al-Anon so far, but I know I've realized Al-Anon is a LIFESTYLE I will always need no matter what those around me are doing.........I"m desperate to be good and gentle with myself and to reach the Serenity I once knew and had. I'll have my ups and downs, but I'll do whatever it takes to remind myself to live for today. Progress not perfection.
I'll go ahead and "boo hoo" with you. Hope this helps
-- Edited by RoseODAT on Wednesday 10th of November 2010 11:21:51 AM
-- Edited by RoseODAT on Wednesday 10th of November 2010 11:26:20 AM
Grieving is a process, There is no right or wrong answer as to how long it takes to overcome the grief. My son is an addict, I have had to grieve many times, everytime I made a decision that I knew was in my best interest but I knew would hurt him at times because he is unable to understand what I am doing, I grieve. When we had to tell him that our home was no longer his home, the grief was almost unbearable because although it is what we had to do in order to regain our sanity he did not understand and saw it as abandonment. He has been in a jail/rehab for the last 10 months or so he now can understand why we made that decision. But I still grieve for the young man he was before this disease took over his life. The young man who is humorous, loving, intelligent, athletic and had such a bright future is no longer the young man I see today. I had to accept he was an addict and love him non the less. I very much want my son back and I may very well get him back if he chooses to continue his recovery but I can't expect it. I can hope for it but once I make it an expectation I set myself up for a fall. Let yourself grieve while still working your program. Get the focus back on you and your needs. Blessings
I know I need to concentrate on me. I know I need to think about me and no longer about him. He can live with his own self.
It is one day at a time. I have good times as well as bad. I know the good will be more and more prevalent as time goes by.
It IS a lifestyle, just the way I have adjusted to eating better, exercising more etc. This is the same kind of thing. I have to look at it that way. It's not just doing one thing and expecting everything to be perfect.
Thank you all for making me think. That is what the group is about, no?
