The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I gain more and more of an insight that this really is an illness the longer I am with my ABF. he was sober for 6 months last year. then he drank when his nephew died it started to progress over 9 months then bang another big rock bottom I stayed out of the way thanks to Al anon. He put him self in rehab god love him is fight this with all his might. When we chat there is always someone else who has been kicked out of the rehab because they have drank. He is getting upset and says he is determined he will make it. Now to me my recovery. My sickness is trying to fill me with fear will he / wont he make it, resentment not having a supportive partner, jelousy girls in rehab, but I too am determined to fight it. I love me partner and I do not know if it is HP's will for us to make it and be together. What I do know is it is an illness he wants so much to be ble to live a happy sober life and This disease tries to attack him and me. Sometimes I hear AA make jokes about al anon and vice versa. I see us all as casualties of a visiuos disease and belive we should unite and fight it with love and support for one another. It is so hard and I really feel like running away sometimes, but He is such a special perso behind the illness. thanks for listening . xx
They really are fighting for their lives, and so are we. I agree with you, this is hard. The only thing I can do is use the tools I am learning here, work the steps and talk to my sponsor as much as I need to. Take care of you :)
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
It would defintily be a best case senerio if AA and alanon worked together as a united front. In a way we do as we work the same steps and work to change our own behaviors. I find when I get caught up in my son's addiction problems I lose focus on myself and fall back into my pre alanon behaviors and start obessing on "weather my son is really going to make a go of it this time" Fear creeps back in at first until I am totally consumed by it and I have once again lost myself in this disease. I have found that all my worry and fear does nothing to aide in the recovery of my son or he would have been cured long ago. In fact it hinders his recovery as he sees my wavering faith and diminishing hopes. It also hinders my own recovery if I let my hope of his continued recovery turn into an expectaion. Sobriety holds no promises, it is literally a one day at a time battle for them and for us. When i work my program put the focus back on me and off my son we are both much more confortable with each other. We may not like the decisions the other makes but we give each other the respect to at least make that decision. Of course my maternal instinct to "fix" my son was the hardest thing I had to work through. I am his mother and should be able to make it all better for him. But the more I tried the more he resented me. He didn't ask for nor did he want my help. I was only interfering with his disease. I wish all the best for you and your bf. None of us knows what HP's plan is for any of us we can't see the big picture. All we can do is follow the path he puts before us and trust his will is in our best interest. Work your program and let bf work his Blessings
Hang in there, Tracy. I related to a lot of what you wrote. When my AH went to rehab (all 4 times in the time we've been together), I felt so many things. Relief because he was somewhere other than drunk at home, hopeful that he would get better, scared he wouldn't get better, jealous of the women in treatment with him, resentful at all the drama that preceded each stint in rehab, etc. My disease flared up a bit - maybe it was threatened with change, just like when active alcoholics are threatened when we get help for ourselves. I don't know for sure. I do know that I believe that my HP has got my back, and regardless of what happens with someone else's recovery, I am able to be strong in my own.
Keep doing the next right thing for you and stay in the present. The fear, jealousy, and resentment are projections - they only steal the joy from this moment.
