The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wife was in a bad mood and started in on me over the phone. Rather than argue, defend etc. I said "You are upsetting me, I have to go now" and hung up the phone. When I got home she acted like nothing happened but was warily checking me out to see if I was mad, which I wasn't by then. Problem is the knot in my stomach lasted for hours.....well I see some progress anyway, the other stuff will come I believe.
Well done, you stated a fact and you stated what your immediate need was in a way that was none controversial or mean or accusatory.
Fact: You are upsetting me
Need: I have to go now
Perfect action: You put the phone down.
Wonderful progress; way to go.
As time goes by your stomach will response less too the stress of this kind of outburst and the knots that are a product of the stress from such behaviour and outbursts will lessen.
I have to say again, WONDERFUL PROGRESS. WAY TO GO. You are changing and it takes practice to make these changes and keep them going.
Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Great job. It takes practice and I will be practicing for the rest of my life and failing or having bad days along the way. There is no magic pill or paradise - just life - and we have to make the best of it.
I still have a hard time implementing/speaking my boundaries and saying no - but it isn't quite as gut-wrenching as it used to be. I celebrate that progress.
And I celebrate yours. I am enjoying watching your progress and am glad you are here.
tlc
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
New behaviors are at first uncomfortable for us cause they are new and we don't know how the other person is going to react. Now you know the world isn't going to come to an end as you start to detach from your wife's issues. Progress not perfection !!!! Blessings
I can relate. I can also remember the knots in my stomach. Waiting till I got home to see if the other shoe was going to fall. 9 times out of 10 it was like it was gone and forgotten. Now when the same thing happens I say to myself "It's the disease dummy, it's the disease", and put it in the back of my mind. If I allow the disease to effect my serenity the disease wins. It came with practice, and the more I practiced it the easier it got. The program tells me I am taking care of myself.
I see you heading in the same direction.
I am in control of our own happiness. The disease is in control of my AW......but I'll be "d---" if I'm letting the disease control me anymore.........I don't mean that to sound ugly.........I just mean it.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Tuesday 9th of November 2010 02:04:36 PM
I can so totally relate to the physical manifestations of the anxiety that comes with never knowing which H is going to show up on any given day. As the times of our customary message exchanges arrive, my stomach tightens, my heart races...and it really, really sucks.
I go through periods where I lose 5-10 pounds in a single week, because the anxiety kills my appetite. I am learning that the anxiety is what I can control. Which H shows up on any given day...that's in his control. I am learning at first to distract myself, and hopefully condition myself to stop feeling so anxious when communications are imminent.
