The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
At this time of year I am normally really enmeshed in feeling sorry for myself. I am also usually reliving the relationship I had with my two sisters when all our sibling rivalry erupted! Who got what, who did what and how unfair it was pretty much 24/7 for an eternity! I can reproduce my sisters quite readily and indeed I relived it with the ex A for years!
For once this year I have made alternatives for myself and for once I am willing to pursue them rather than try to "fix" anyone.
There is good and bad news. One of my roommates who has had real issues with control and her emotions is cooking the thanksgiving dinner. Her plans are incredible and she is on cloud 9. I don't doubt there will be serious consequences because of her control issues, expectations and more.
Now after a little recovery under my belt, rather than wade in and try to fix it, I'm running in the other direction! I should say jogging as I'm certainly very much in control rather than in over reaction (my other normal mode).
For once I can settle for a more peaceful alternative. I can't be angry that she is cooking the dinner (which was once my vaulted job which of course I made into a catastrophe all of its own) because I am working and I simply do not have the time to take it on. I also don't have to engage in sarcasm, gossip, charactor annihilation and more. That's my usual scenario too!
I have both a plan be and a plan c and so far the plan be is coming together and for once I am willing to go to plan c rather than be any part of the craziness, controlled chaos and eruptions that are sure to occur!
Now I can simply smile when I think of Thanksgiving rather than feel sorry for myself!
I finally made it to adulthood!
Maresie.
-- Edited by maresie on Monday 8th of November 2010 08:44:00 PM
You have not only achieved adulthood but a healthy adulthood where your self esteem is not measured by what you can d o for others but in how well you can take care of yourself
After the last few holidays with our A son who made the holidays anything but joyful. My husband and I are this year traveling out of state to my sisters house for Thanksgiving. Our son is in the jail work / release program and we thought this a perfect time for a get away. God knows we need it When we told our son of our plans he was very disappointed saying that the jail was giving him a 4 hour furlough to go home for Thanksgiving dinner. The pre- alanon me would have immediatly changed our plans to suit our sons needs/wants. But I took a step back and evaluated the whole picture. Thinking husband and I need a break, Son is in jail for a reason, if the worst thing that ever happens to him is he spends Thanksgiving in jail then so be it, will give him time to reflect on why he is there and how to avoid it in the future. So I just said Sorry we won't be here for Thanksgiving. Son bounced back very quickly from his disappointment and found a friend to have thanksgiving dinner with. So he will get his home made dinner and we will have our vacation. True growth for me and a blessing Blessings
