Hi Usedtobeanyer. I had an almost identical thing happen to me on Saturday night. My AH drank heavily and admitted his problem for the first ever time (he's had a problem for many years) and said he'd had enough and how can he continue to treat me and the kids in this way. Like you I was encouraged but didn't want to get my hopes up. The next morning I asked him if he remembered what he said and he said "no"! and he couldn't remember getting home. So I said "wonderful" what you said was the most important things ever and you can't remember" so I enlightened him a little with what he said and he had nothing to say.
So back to square one me thinks! Anybody else had similar experience?

First off CONGRATULATIONS, for me this was the first time I really started to understand how cunning and powerful alcohol is and how it had affected all our lives, I thought great, no more drinking, I will have a husband back, WRONG, I was even more confused when he swapped one addiction for another, I was very demanding of his time and this caused him to retreat further into his shell and away from me, I felt neglected and abandoned over again and I couldn't blame the bottle now, I thought we could work through our problems together but we couldn't we didn't know enough about what we were dealing with, so I came here and went to face to face, I listened and I had to let go of my old out of date rigid thinking, I had to learn a new way to think and behave, it's hard work, first of all I learnt only to think differently, but I couldn't behave accordingly, and at first I wouldn't couldn't admit I had any changing to do, for sometime I would use my old behaviours, and things would be worse than ever, then little by little I began to change and I couldn't believe the difference, when I didn't react, when I stopped using all the things he had done to us over the past, as an excuse for my bad behaviour, pheweeeeeee, it's a fresh start for all of you, good luck.

I am glad for your wife's awareness of her disease. It certainly a step in the right direction.
It's what she does with that awarness that counts.
actions speak louder than words. So for now you can have hope that this will lead to recovery but speaking from my own experience please don't let that hope turn into an expectaion....My son admitted several times he was an A but nothing ever came of it. Each time I had such high hopes that I would turn into an expectaion and when he didn't follow through with any kind of recovery then I was more angry and frustrated than before.
Allow your wife to work her recovery as you work yours. Her recovery is hers to own.
If she does seek recovery ( and I pray she does ) A's in early recovery can be very difficult to deal with. They are very self centered and may push you out of the way a bit. They have feelings to deal with that they had previously drown out with booze ot drugs and just as we here can understand each other as no one else can the people around her in recovery going thru the same things she is will be her major source of support. Sometimes to the point of obsession.
I would just continue working your program as you have been you are still going to need it weather she is drinking or not. Keep the focus on you and your children.
If she wants help shopping i don't see anything wrong with that but as I think was already stated you can't be her babysitter. If she wants to go the the liqour store she will with or without you.
Prayers goin your way
Blessings

Thanks sooo much for your post Usetobe...cause I've been there and have done that
and then continued to do program.   Here are some of the things I found out...First
HP and Prayer works where I doubted both.  Prayed she'd get dry and she did and next
realized once over that it was I that was the cause of my problems so while she was
talking "dry" and moving toward sobriety I still had to focus on myself only.  The major
part of the miracle wasn't for me it was the alcoholic coming to reality and doing the
first things to not go back on that reality.  Your wife was doing for her...you gotta do
for you.  While she was pointing toward recovery I fritzed and went crazy because I
didn't know how to do "now what!!" and I was being told "now what" just as the
membership here is telling you now what...attend to your own program.  Her sobriety
isn't going to get you sane...she is not responsible for your sanity that is your work.

I found out I really wasn't taking care of my own maturity, peace of mind and serenity
but was leaving that up to the alcoholic and other things outside of myself...I had
thoughts, dreams, wishes and intentions and...no responsibility with procrastination.
Still I would say that none of those things came to fruition with me because of her
drinking.

The suggestion to stay in the program for yourself is the very best one that should be
given.  If it already has worked for you before she stopped drinking (and it has) why
would it not continue.  Stay with your recovery and fulfill the suggestions you have not
done yet...sponsor, steps, slogans, literature, helping other etc. 

Leave her to AA and recovering Alcoholics...that is not abandonment but loving
detachment with trust, faith and love.  Yes I did accompany my alcoholic to the
supermarket however the disease of alcoholism will never trip over that piece of
assistance.   Alcoholism will be after Her, you and the family forever.  No need to
fear when you are working a program and for her if she is also.  Cunning, Powerful
and Baffling isn't a trite description of alcoholism that piece of information is age
old and comes from the professional community also.

Thank God for the breakthrough...you prayed for it so you must be worthy.  She is
also.   Thanks for the update...((((hugs))))

Admitting is the first step. Her sharing with others is great. Shows she realises she has a problem.

More than a problem, she has a lifelong incurable disease.

All the grieving, pain, guilt is going to hit her all at once. All the things she drank away are just waiting to come out. It can be horrible for them.

We have to continue to learn and get skills from Al Anon. Nothing is over. using a drug, including alcohol is only one tiny part of the disease. That is what makes them NEED to get into AA. Better to go away to inpatient rehab. If she can get into rehab, get out and do 90 meetings in 90 days then as many as she needs, that makes her chances higher to stay on a recovery program longer.

It is all up to her. But most need a little guidance. Some don't know about AA, rehab etc. I believe in getting brochures and literature and leaving it out. It is up to her to pick it up. Nothing has to be said by you.

If she asks or gets mad, you can say you were curious about it. Which is not a lie.

Even moreso you need al anon. BIG time. one day at a time, you will see what comes, but we must work on our own lives, her disease is her own.

When we are not A we have no way to relate. Our precious tlcate shares she is is a double winner. That means she has been and is on both sides of the illness. Her words are gold.

Even the A themselves may not realise how very, very hard it is going to be for them.

My experience tells me, they need AA etc. To white knuckle or "fight" the craving and need and want is almost impossible and those that do try it that way are not real pleasant to be around. usually.

It can also be manipulation. The guilt from drinking heavily as you shared, she was hungover and miserable. And mostly full of guilt.It is ever so common for them to feel so bad they say and do about anything HOPING they can pull it off to never drink like that again.

It may have scared her  how badly she felt afterwards.She may honestly MEAN all she is saying!

This is where the horrible disease steps in, and in her head, well maybe I can have just a little to make me feel better, or no I just cannot be an A.

This is when AA a sponsor, working a program is VITAL.

Again it is totally up to her.

This is what makes it so important for you to keep learning al anon skills, meetings, reading and staying OUT of her business. Because when she does relapse, 99% chance, you will not be so engulfed in her disease that it pulls you way down.

When we learn al anon skills, we can continue on and allow them the dignity to figure it out for themselves. We don't fight or yell or condemn. We KNOW it is a powerful disease, they are sadly living with.

We learn not to be worrying and white knuckling ourselves if they are going to use again. Becuz we love them, just how they are. We feel sad when they are sick in their disease of course, but we don't blame them.

Many see this as a window, a very short time open, for opportunity to ask them if they are ready to go to rehab. No arguing or counseling. If you are ready to go, I will figure out everything here. Then it is up to them to arrange it all.

If they are serious about going, they will. You can get info if you like as far as rehab options, leave them for her to see.

I needed to know the truths, all of them. I wish I had known all I just shared with you.

My AH had been in recovery a long time. I knew him all my life. Our marriage was so nice, normal. Then the brain surgery, medical relapse, I could not have been more shocked. no HORRIFIED!

I loved that man with everything in me since I was 17. It was off and on all my life until this year when I had to divorce him. The disease won. I am almost 58 now.

I so hope she will get help, accept help. You guys all need each other.

I have a very very dear friend who is A. Her  husband died from cancer, was an A. They were the typical nice family. She raised her three kids great. They are good people. She has always been involved in the community. Now heads a major program for kids to be watched at schools before and after and in summer when parents work.

So they can, on program, have good lives, raise families etc.

I have always loved her no matter what. Her disease was and is always her own. it has made us so much more than friends. She has no guilt around me, I am not part of her disease.

I am praying so much your dear wife gets help and you continue to. Am also very glad you are here!

love,debilyn