The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I find myself struggling today, and questioning my HP or any HP at this point.
I went to visit my Uncle again yesterday. For those who don't know...he has lung cancer and his wife is failing mentally. Fifty five years together, 4 kids of their own, 3 adopted children, a life lived mostly in church with a HP leading and guiding their every step, he retires 7-8 yrs ago and moves home to the mountains of WV that he has always loved...goes to the Dr one day with a sore throat and now this.
To sit and watch the two of them hurts my heart in the worst way possible...They're every bit as much in love as they were at 15, the only thing she is worried about is him and his only concern is her. She tells him she loves him and he smiles (still a very handsome man) with that school boy grin and says "I love you too".
Right now I find myself angry, very angry. I just don't understand how this, something so cruel could be happening to these two people. God can make the blind see, and the crippled walk (for those that have God as their HP which I do) so why on earth can't He fix this? If He was going to take one of them, why not both at the same time? Why should one have to watch the other fade, that's what they get from a lifetime of loving one another, from 55 yrs of love, and happiness to watch the other slowly fade?
I hate this, hate it, hate it, hate it!!!!! And I know if I told my Uncle that I was angry at God about all of this that he'd tell me not to be, that he isn't, that none of us are getting out of here alive.
I guess my heart just hurts, and it hurts bad. All my life I've longed for the kind of love the two of these people have, and to see it taking this turn is just gut wrenching. I just feel lost and angry at God for allowing it to happen (yes I know He can take it)
Just needed to share....thank for letting me. Please keep them both in your prayers. Shelly
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
(((((Shelly))))) feeling with you on this one and here to relate that I also could never figure God out and then came to accept that I wasn't much good at figuring at all. What I learned at situations like this for me when I was scared and not into right solutions was to stand in one place quietly and focus only on "God is" and then ask "Is there anything here that you see that I may be of use for?" and then shutup and listen for the response. There always has been a response to me but I could never hear it when I was giving into fear. The "where do you want me" attitude for me puts me where God wants me and takes me out of my powerlessness. I become one part of the solution only...not all of it. (((((hugs)))))
Shelley, if you thought about all the cruel things that happen in the world and wonder why God let them happen, you would drive yourself mad. Things happen. What God does is give us the strength to cope. He has given your Uncle and Aunt 55 happy years and will give them the strength to cope with the final strait. He has also given them a kind, loving niece to watch over them.
Prayers and thoughts winging their way from across the pond.
You can look at this another way, 55 wonderful years of marriage and still love each other today as they did at 15!!!!
Now in my opinion that is a gift from God....some of us are lucky to find love ever and some of are lucky to know the gift of love....some are not so lucky.
So as I can tell you are upset....and I understand why...but try looking at it this way...maybe it will help.
They have each other....that is a blessing. They love each other that is a gift. Prayers are on the way!!!!!!
With Hope, Andrea
-- Edited by Andrea12 on Sunday 7th of November 2010 09:38:34 PM
