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Tomorrow is my son's 2nd birthday...we are going to visit my dad & his wife to celebrate...many people from my side of the family will be there and my wife is stressing big time...
Many members of my family abuse alcohol so I'm sure there will be a lot of booze there...No one in my family knows about my wife's issues with alcohol.
Obviously this is a big test for my wife but it's a big test for me too...how will I do? What will I do if she loses it/drinks/whatever?
I'm really hoping for a fun day...my wife has been doing soooo well lately and I just hope it continues...
Here's praying your son has a great birthday!!!!!! You have no control over weather or not your wife decides to drink. Thats her decision plain and simple. The only thing you can do is control your own actions or reactions. Keep your focus on yourself and your son. Your family also have drinking problems or some of them do likely they won't think much about it if your wife does drink. I know it's hard but try not to project the worst case senerio thinking that if you think up all these senerios you can somehow control the outcome. It will drive you nuts. Again work YOUR program and focus on you and your son. Blessings
Hang in there, UsedToBe. I agree with Xeno...keep your focus on yourself and your son. Be mindful of the things you can control, and try with all your might to give the rest, including your AW, to your HP.
I will be thinking of you, and wish you as much serenity as possible this weekend.
Happy Birthday to your son What a marvelous age. I understand your concern and would suggest that you have a plan "B "as an alternate plan if things are not going as you need. I always felt better when I knew I had choices
Stay in the day, do it a moment at a time, bring your serenity prayer,focus on your self and remember to HAVE FUN
My experience is, I learned from A's, is they don't like to be away from where they have a routine. Then know where and when they can get their drugs. They know when they will have time with complete privacy.
They do not like to be out of control of their addiction.
I learned even in recovery, for some it is not easy to leave a strict routine.
Your wife is very sick. She is in trouble. Whatever she does, if she goes to the get together, is her business. It is not a test.
If others learn she is A, so be it. From my life experience with people, they know more than we realise.
Besides it is not a crime to be an addict. It is a horrible disease no one chooses.
She would be the last one to condone her drinking when she is with the kids. This shows us how very sick she is! LOVE has nothing to do with being sick with a disease.
I hope so much you guys have a nice time tomorrow. I invite you to detach with love, hate the disease with all its badness and love her.
Don't live it before it happens Uses to be...stay in this moment and then the next put away the crystal ball and the projection charts and stay in the moment...Steps 1 and a 2 and a 3 right now. Practice being out of control and turning that control over. "Courage is fear that has said it's prayers"...from the ODAAT daily reader so pray and let it go....practice, practice, practice and act as if. When you find you are worrying that is one small piece of evidence of fear and one of the opposites of fear is faith...everything is acceptable and you will maintain the acceptable. The major opposite of fear is love which is HP (to me) stay with HP without break. No one drinking can destroy your peace of mind and serenity unless you allow it and a good suggestion from the Hot Rod lady? keep a plan B. There are lots of plan B's much of our recovery is about making other choices with better outcomes.
You got the prayers and wishes from this family...its now your serenity.
You will have a great time as long as u dont watch too see how much she drinks,I am sure u can find better things to do at a family gathering , your not responsible for her behavior no reason to explain if she does loose it detach with love and enjoy.
Well, she got drunk today so hopefully she got it out of her system!
Thanks everyone for your words...they seem so powerful and so "the answer", but they also just seem so foreign to me. I have to admit I'm having a hard time implementing all of this. I think I did well tonight with my wife being in her condition. Not perfect, but significantly better than in the past before I was in Al Anon. But it would be really hard for me to just have a good time tomorrow regardless of what my wife does. Hopefully I will get there.
Anyway, I love my son and I'm really happy & proud he is 2!!!
Useto...almost a sure thing that if you make up your mind that you will have a hard time tomorrow you will. That is what projection is. On the other hand if you make up your mind that you will have a good time you can bring that about also.
Attitudes and perspectives are a big part of recovery. In time and with practice it does become much more easy and everyone has to start somewhere. I remember the early days of program. I worked in the space industry for 12 years but coming into Al-Anon and being taught and then supported to practice was the real rocket science for me. Most people I know outside of program haven't got a clue about "real time" living and living on purpose with purpose. You're learning and you will get much much better at it. Don't leave before the miracle happens. (((hugs)))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Friday 5th of November 2010 09:20:57 PM
I totally agree with Jerry. It is going to be whatever kind of day you decide it's going to be. I used to have a little mantra/trick that I used in sticky situations... I would catch myself thinking a not so great thought, then catch myself and add to the end "but I'm happy anyway". Heck, I still do it!! It just reminds me of my intention. No matter what anyone else does or says.. I can choose to be happy anyway.
Works for me
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Keep your focus on the joy and happiness that little 2yr old will be showing on his birthday. Your AW will have her own agenda, it doesnt need to be yours too.
. I understand your concern and would suggest that you have a plan "B "as an alternate plan if things are not going as you need. I always felt better when I knew I had choices