The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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Today my mother made it her mission to make me feel like the lowest piece of scum this planet has ever seen. I have been called so many names today and have been told that I am a terrible, selfish person.
Even though I am hurting I know that she didn't really mean what she said to me but still I am finding it hard to just brush it off and move on... how does everyone else work through the pain that words have caused you?
I found an Al anon group near me but they don't meet again until Tuesday :(
After what happened today I find myself sitting here trying to find the courage to face tomorrow.. any advice?
I know for a fact that God makes no junk , its booze talk let it go . Alcoholics treat us the way they feel about themselves , most hate themselves and treat us the same .. if we show love and dare to care about them it always seems to bring out the worst in them they dont feel loveable .. The words hurt I know and we cant help but take it personally but the rages are not about us .. Please call 1-888-4alanon there may be more meetings in your area u dont know about yet . Your not alone anymore there are people here who understand how u feel adult children like yourself they will answer your post . take care of you .. Louise
Hi and thank you for your post......may I suggest seeing a big bold letters saying "I am not recovering" across your moms face when you find yourself in those situations.......ty and pls keep coming back you will find all sorts of tools here to help you deal with alcholism and addiction.......((hugs))
Each day is a new day. I have found that words did hurt, but I am letting go of my vulnerability to words. I know the truth, I know I am better than what I was told. People that are addicts or alcoholics know just what to say to drag us into arguements or feeling bad. They know how to keep us right where they want us. Sometimes their words are hurtful, other times, something is said that makes us think they are ok again. Regardless, we don't have to be hooked into it anymore when we use the tools that Alanon teach. I am not perfect, but I am progressing in my program here. I have learned to detach and not get involved. There are days that I don't do this, and I am even sicker than the addict in my life. The days I really work on me and focus on just me, I am much happier and healthier. I am not new to depression, or feeling bad, but with alanon I am working on making myself happy and not allowing other people's words to hurt me. Thanks for sharing and being here :) HUGS!
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
It helps me to realize that alcoholism is a disease, and part of its symptoms is bad behavior and mean words. Just because the words were spoken doesn't mean that they are true. It's hard to not take words personally - but realize that it's just not personal. She is sick.
Understandable that you feel hurt and it sounds like you logically understand what she is doing, but your heart needs to catch up to your logic.
Going to a meeting will help. Working the program, reading, learning, focusing on yourself and doing nice things for yourself that make you smile helps.
I have been the giver and receiver of this behavior - it doesn't feel good on either side. Just know that she is emotionally sick right now. Imagine she is just out of surgery, in the recovery room, coming off a general - and she is spouting off. Pretty much the same thing. She may get help, she may not, but with more focus on yourself and more understanding of where she is you will learn to navigate these things better.
Oh, and that little voice in the back of your head that says "well, maybe that is what she truly thinks and who I truly am." Tell it to be quiet. It is not true. When one is sick - whether an active A or whatever - they swing from over hating, to over loving - from victim/martyr to keeper of all knowledge. Their view of the world and everything in it is skewed and changes with the wind. I have been that jekyll/Hyde. They are angry at life and the first person to walk through their crosshairs gets it! No fun at all. I have gone from "I hate you" to "Wait! Don't leave - I love you MORE THAN LIFE" . . . in 5 mins. Whole different planet.
Please keep coming back.
tlc
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
TLC, thank you so much for that. I think it is absolutely dead-on, and you are right--anyone who is emotionally sick can act that way. My AH does this kind of thing all the time, regardless of whether he's drinking, because he is severely depressed right now. "Angry at life" is exactly right. Thanks for the reminder that I'm not alone, and that it's not me.
Thank you all so much, just reading what you had to say has made me feel 100 times better. I am so happy that I have found this place. I can not wait to start going to the classes. You guys are truly amazing, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Might I also add another few cents? I also learned this from a loving group and sponsor In Al-Anon..."Nothing can hurt you without your permission and participation." Work on your part...the letting go and the understanding which have been mentioned.
Glad this amazing family has given you some grace.
Wow your post took me back quite a few years ( like 23 yrs) My mom was dying, she was never an A but she was a ragaeoholic. I was always the target of that rage. She didnt want to die in a hospital so my husband and I brought her to live with us and my siblings ( both A's) and I took round the clock care of her. She had nothing but praise for my brother and sister on how they took care of her. But on my shift dang all I heard was how I was the worse nurse ever ( and i was a nurse), how she couldn't beleive anyone would ever hire me ( I worked for the state of CA).....just constant put downs. And honestly i couldn't figure out why she would want my last memories of her to be so negative. While she was with us I found out I was pregnant again. So I thought it was something my mom would want to know so I told her and her response to me was " God, you know there is birth control out there to stop that from happening" I was absolutly dumbfounded It took me a very long time to realize the Sick people say Sick things and Hurt people want to Hurt other people I still loved my mother but could then see her as a sick person and I happened to be a target of that sickness, So i feel your pain, I do Try and consdier the source next time your mom verbally abuses you Blessings
Can't add much more than what others have posted hear. I found that such words hurt the most if deep down inside I thought they might be true. I'm working on taking good care of me and trying to realize such words are not true....the more I believe this the less it bothers me.
