The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things around here have been awful since Sat. My A boyfriends dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor so we are waiting to hear about treatment. My bfriend lost his mom 2yrs ago to cancer and his younger brother in February to cancer so he is having a hard time and has started therapy. He hasn't been drinking except for Sat. he was drinking vodka and was drunk, played the usual blame game the one that I am at fault for everything so I ended up taking the little kids and leaving when I got home he was gone. He hasn't drank since however we are in the process of replacing windows in our house and the builder that gave me the measurements for the windows didn't measure them correctly so they are too big and now there is more work to put them in. My boyfriend has decided that it is my fault that they are too big all because when we went to order them he said "are you sure these are the right sizes" I said yes I asked Paul 2 times and he said they are correct. He wanted me to have Paul come back with me and order them and I said no it's fine. It wouldn't have made a difference because he would have used the measurements he gave me. My brother and his friend Joe came over Joe is also a builder and they said they were measured wrong. Joe and my brother are putting them in next week. Before they came over my bfriend was yelling at me and telling me I can never admit that I am wrong and then playing the blame game about everything else he thinks is wrong with me yet again and he was sober. At one point he said I would have to leave because he's not and I wouldn't be taking the kids. Eventually we calmed down and did talk about a couple of things but I am so sick of being told what I have to fix and change and what all my issues are! I never listen to him so on. I am so sick of being hurt. Thanks for letting me get some of this out. Holly
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
I can ID with the feeling of being attacked all the time, blamed and just getting negative crap. I learned to detach and simply walk away or leave the house. Sometimes it's hard with the kid so I stay but even just walking outside to get away from it has helped. It at least sent a signal that i'm not going to accept it, even if I can't stop it.
However it has nothing to do with you. Its his own personal venom, from his own bad feelings inside.'
Still hurts you, I know.
Your post made it clear how you feel, how you are treated. Maybe ask yourself what makes you stay? And what have you done to stop this mental abuse he causes you?
A's tend to like to try to bring us way down, makes them feel superior to us. They have so much guilt and pain from all the crap they feel inside,nice to have someone feel less than they do. Sad eh?
If you can get to meetings, read literature, build you up, things will feel better.
Have you read,"Getting Them Sober?" It really is eye opening.
Have you ever asked him, "So if I am so bad, what makes you be with me?"
We learn to make boundaries. An old saying,"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
You can let him know," When I am spoken to with respect I will treat one with repect." "I am letting you know, if I hear anymore put downs to me, I will leave the room."
Are these kids his? For him to threaten you with you leaving and not taking the kids is pretty serious. If I were you I would be very careful. You may want to make legal arrangements that if something happens to you, you make a legal agreement who they would go to.
We have to teach people how to treat us hon. I expect to be treated with respect by everyone, if I am not I make it known.
I hope you go to meetings, and think about YOU becuz you are worth it.
