The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been doing some thinking lately, something I hate to do....mirror time, and I am not always gentle on myself when it comes to that.
Still waiting on news of my Uncle, praying and trying to turn it over, but having trouble doing so again....always find myself taking it back. My HP and I "yo yo" at times and I have to realize He knows better than me. My Uncle is accepting and at peace, why can't I be?
I've been gone from MIP for awhile now, and missed many people here, but felt like I needed to pull away from the online thing and focus on the F2F a little more, and it did help, but there's something I get here from reading other's ESH. I just felt at the time I left that I didnt have anything to give back.
I've been in a long distance relationship for several months now and it is hard at times. To make a long story short I met this man when I was 21, he was my LT in the prison I worked in, we were both married, but became the best of friends. He knew of my abusive marriage and at one point asked me to come and stay with him and his wife-of course I didn't. Several years later we both divorced and dated off and on for awhile, but neither were ready to settle down again so soon. I left the jail and we met again when my son was three months old, we dated for a couple of months and he disappeared (for reasons I know now but didn't then) Anyway months ago he called me mom's trying to reach me and we spent the first night on the phone for 4 hrs. The feelings we shared for years were all still there, and we decided to try again. He is currently in FLA but moving back within the next couple of months to where I live. I'm happy within the context of a normal relationship for the first time in ages. He is a good man, with a huge heart, and knows my love for my program. It's funny now, being with someone where there's not a lot of drama and crazy. It's just a calming relationship, it's what I believe I've been missing for years. With this program I've learned to Let go and Let God protect and care for my Uncle and Aunt...but I struggle-but keep turning it back over. I've learned to say Im Sorry when I know I'm wrong and it doesn't take me weeks to realize I was a butt. I've learned to reach out to others for help and listen to what they say more often and I'm pretty dead set on getting to my meetings. I try to work a good program,but dont beat myself up anymore when it's not perfect, and it took me almost two years to realize that this wasn't a program of merely me LEARNING but of me LIVING it, and all the time I thought I wasnt getting it, and blaming the fibro and the memory problems and then something will happen and I will do or not do something and say to myself "wow that's m alanon talking" I love it! I'm going to my second convention next weekend....and I am soooo excited about it, I feel like alittle girl at Christmas... I'm glad to be back and blessed to have this program and soo very thankful for my EXAH, my messenger, who lead me here Living and loving it....one day at a time Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Glad you're feeling good Shelly. good luck with everything. Sorry about your uncles but...well...I guess it happens and there's not much to do but pray for acceptance. Again glad to read your post, it's full of hope, and I need that.
Aloha Shelly...what a great share to bring back home. Good that you discovered that "living it" thingy because for me that is how it works also. Your living it share is an old timers share...Most old timers learn to get the program out of their heads and into their hearts and hands and feet. Thanks for the 12th step. (((((hugs)))))
