The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi Everyone, I am new here and need support. I have been married 11 years and just recently, in May to June, my husband went away to a rehab. He job intervened and we had a full intervention and he went to rehab. About three weeks later, he was drinking again. I have trouble because I constantly feel convinced that it isn't that big of a deal that he drinks every night and every day on the weekends. He is now drinking just wine, which is what he will say to me, and he will also say that it's only one or two drinks.
I don't know what to do anymore.
People tell me to leave.
I don't have the courage, as I have two little kids and I do still love him. I have trouble, though, because I don't trust him anymore. I don't feel like I can trust him and our intimacy is gone.
Where do I go from here? I try to get to meetings, but I work during the day (when most of them are in my area) so I was thrilled to find this outlet.
I constantly question myself, like, maybe I am overreacting. I can't stand him, though, when he drinks... so I have a lot of resentment building. I know it isn't good for our marriage, but I can't seem to control it anymore.
I also find that I am not coping well anymore with basic things, which I know is a result of my anxiety over whether he is drinking or not. I am constantly checking wine bottles and my therapist told me not to anymore, so now, I am trying REALLY hard not to check them. But it's hard... All of this is hard..
I feel your pain. I'm new here so rest assured that lots of folks will soon be posting with their experience and support!
I'm in a similar boat. My W drinks wine too. A lot of wine! Then she gets mean.
I thought it was all in my head (and any A will be fast to confirm that!). But it wasn't.
At my first meeting I was handed a pamphlet titled "Doubting your Sanity?" That summed it up for me. I had begun to question my own good instincts and was being manipulated by this disease. I know the confusion and frustration of watching the love of my life chip away at our special connection as she's slowly consumed.
I'm just starting to learn detachment so that I don't have to have anxiety wondering if she's drinking or not. It's none of my business. Taking care of me is my business. My only business.
Please take care of yourself and come to the online meetings if you can't get to the face-to-face meetings.
It doesn't have to stay the way it is right now for you. You are not alone!
Welcome to MIP. You are in the right place. I am so sorry you have this- addiction is powerful, cunning, and baffling.
The Alanon program gives us tools that improve our situation . Understanding and absorbing the concepts takes time. It is suggested that newcomers hold off on making important decisions before trying Alanon for at least a few months. Answers will come.
The program works when we learn to focus on ourselves, despite what the other person is doing. It takes practice, but it does work!
You will find that there is a lot of denial on both sides. My exha thought he could drink wine too- but it would change his personality to being mean. It is suggested that if their drinking affects our behavior, then it is a problem.
Keep coming back, learn all you can, go to meetings... glad you are here.
Mmitche, I am brand-spanking new to the program, but I am already learning that while my AH's addiction has caused me tremendous heartache, I have plenty of my own dysfunctions. Yes, I am nuts in my own way. And the program is helping me work through my nuttiness so I can achieve serenity and live a happier, healthier life for myself. As much as I wanted to be able to fix my AH, or change him, or control him...I can only change and control myself. So that is what I am doing. Good luck to you, and I'm so glad you've found this board. It has been a tremendous resource for me.
(((mmitche2))) ¨.....I feel like I am the one who is nuts.¨ Oh yeah, that's normal for sure. And how I felt when I first found this place. First of all, know you are not alone. And second, know that there is help. Through alanon I'm learning to take care of myself first whether my ah is drinking or not. Your therapist is right about not checking for the wine bottles. Your ah will drink or not, and you're checking doesn't change a thing. Except probably to make you feel bad-angry, disappointed, etc. I reommend the online meetings here, they have been a great comfort to me. And keep coming back to this board, there is so much to learn. Best of luck to you.
