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Well everytime I think I have heard more than I can bare. All I have to do is wait for another day lately. I had my gd 5 days last week and I felt good about that. Knowing she was getting norishment and dressed properly and spent enough time on her reading which she has difficulty with and her mother is suppose to spend 20 minutes a nite having her read but gd says its more like 5 minutes. Last night was Halloween, the boyfriend was around and my d wanted my gd with her to go with her to see the boyfriend at a parade. I have my gd tonite and I heard all about how mommy and the boyfried drank throughout the parade and then my d must have wanted to continue drinking so she had her father watch my gd while they stayed out. My gd never got to go out "treat or treating" for Halloween. Then she tells me that she thinks she may be just like mommy when she grows up. I said, what do you mean? She said, Ill probably drink like she does.. I got quite upset after hearing this. She tried to take it back as a 7 year old might by saying, oh I was dreaming.. But obviously she has thought about it. I told her, shes too smart to go that route and I elaborated a bit more but I`am devasted. I desperately want to get her away from that enviorment if I can. Her father is an addict in prison. Its already in her genes. I`am scared as anyone would be... Please Higher Power intercede on behalf of this child and help her make healthy choices in her life... I don`t know what to do. Thanks for listening..
I actually don't think that your gd verbalizing about those feelings is a bad thing - at the very minimum, it allows the subject to be discussed openly, and she can learn about choices, the bad things that alcohol can do to a person, etc.
One word of caution - I know you are deeply troubled by the behavior of your daughter, and her parenting (or lack thereof) skills.... That being said, I think that is best kept between you and your daughter - even well meaning things like telling your gd that she is "too smart to be an alcoholic" has tons of negativity for her and might add to her confusion.... A 7-year old might surmise that: a) mommy is therefore dumb and/or b) mommy is weak.
The only thing we know for sure is that your daughter is an alcoholic.
take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hi Samsgram :) The only thing I would like to add here, is to remember that our recovery aids in the recovery of others. Your influence in the life of your granddaughters is very strong. She can obviously say what she is thinking and feeling to you and that is a great thing. Listening and watching you and how you respond will have an impact on her as you are probably a role model to her. One person can make a big difference in persons life..You are probably the most healthy person in her life and she feels safe with you. How wonderful she has at least one person like that....thank u and pls keep coming back.
I think Tom said it all beautifully It is good the your GD verbalized her feelings that allow for open discussion. But then she took it back because fact is she loves her mother no matter what and doesn't want to go against her. Even the most horribly abused child will stick up for thier parent, lie for them etc because they fear the unknown if they speak the truth. Your GD has already been taken away and placed in your care once so she is a smart cookie she's knows if she says to much that can happen again. And while she loves you an clearly trusts you more than anyone as you are the only stable person in her life she can't bring herself to go against her mother. Perfectly normal Her mom is sick....not dumb or weak I think talking about it as an illness will help GD see that. As far as it being in her genes....as the parent of an addict I will tell you this.....DO NOT project that outcome for your GD. She's just a baby...take things one day at a time. As always know both you and GD are always in my prayers Blessings
I never really thought about that Tom.. I hope I don`t beat myself up about the way I have talked about her mom. I really try hard not to say negative things lately about her and try to present her as having a disease or sickness. In the past I didnt know any better but in those days my gd never knew why mommy acted so awful much of the time, its only recently she has understood that mommy drinks alcohol. I`am still learning how to talk with her regarding this... I appreciate the imput.. As for when she said she thinks she might be like her mommy when she gets older. I do think I had a direct influence on why she took it back. She saw me get very upset. I probably should not have but then again. I`am still learning. I have so much to learn. I hope I can still be a positive influence and not confuse her too much. Her mother is loosing yet another job it seems. They are cutting her days down to try to get rid of her so she won`t be needing me so much. When my gd heard she would not see me this weekend, she got upset and looked at me with fear in her eyes. She ran to her mother and said, can I please spend one day with grandma this weekend? I know she loves her mother...kids always loves their mothers no matter what.. For me its a matter of trying to help her not turn into her mother. What is happening to her is NOT in the best interest of this child.. I was told by a woman who runs an Alateen meeting that they have kids as young as 12 there and 7 was pretty young but I could take her and see if she got anything out of it. Well, apparently this woman runs it with another woman and they tried to call me before the meeting to tell me that they decided that 7 years old was much too young for her to come to the meeting but I never recieved the call so I took her last night. When I took her in she was so excited to be with other kids whose parents drank. The leader said she could stay for just that meeting. Today I recieved a phone call from the woman (leader) and she said what a doll my gd is and that she acts soooo much older than her age and that she is welcome to continue as long as she is able to focus like the older children do. Unfortunately she is more mature than her 35 year old mother it seems. I do hope she is able to continue to focus as well. She came home like a different kid making a big difference in her addittude.
