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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hello All
Post Info TOPIC: Hello All
hfrush


Newbie

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Hello All
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Hello everyone! My name is Hilary I am 29 years old and I have a 1 year old son.  I am the daughter of an alcoholic.  My mother has drank from as far back as I can remember.  When I was younger I can remember my mother sleeping all day long while I took care of my younger brother and the house, the only time she would get up during the day was when my father came home from work and as soon as he hit the sheets for the night she would binge drink until it was just about time for him to go to work in the morning.
Not only was my mother a drinker growing up but she also for a brief moment had a cocaine addiction, which she went to rehab for.  I have never known my mother sober.. that is frightening to me.  My mothers alcohol addiction has affected her health in many ways: seizors, strokes, etc.  My entire family knows of my mothers problems but no one on the outside does: people from our church, her doctors, etc.  Recently my mother had re-constructive surgery on her chest, because she did not disclose her alcohol addiction to her surgeon she ended up in a coma for almost 2 months.  After that surgery she had to have her gallbladder removed and again suffered complications due to her drinking.  During her most recent stay at the hospital she went in to withdrawals.. it was a pretty scary situation.
My mothers drinking has effected my life in a number of ways, I am usually the person she takes her anger out on when she hasn't had a drink in a while.  I currently live with her due to having had my baby 10 weeks early.
I watch my mother drink from 7am to 9pm, beer is her drink of choice.  I am constantly asked by her to purchase beer when she runs out and when I refuse she gets into the car intoxicated to buy it for herself.  I almost feel as though I should go out and get it for her because everyone else out on the road will be safer for it.
There have been times when my mother has attempted to stop drinking but she ALWAYS finds a reason to go back, most of the time she blames it on my brother and I.   Having lived with my parents for this past year has made me fully understand what a problem she really has, I know that I am watching my mom kill herself and I feel as though there is nothing I can do about it... this entire situation has made me feel so deeply depressed that I am ruining the relationships I have with other people.
Anyway, didn't mean to go on and on.. just looking to share my story with others and maybe some of you can give me some advice on how to handle all of this?
Thanks for reading!


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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
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Hi Hilary and Welcome to MIP

I am so sorry that you must deal with this powerful dreadful disease but so glad you found us. 

Alanon believes that alcoholism is a disease that you did not cause CANNOT Control and cannot cure. 

In order for family members to recover from dealing with the devastation of living with this disease we recommend that members  find the nearest face to face meeting in your community.  Help in finding meetings can be found

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

We also have 2 meetings here each day and a 24/7 hour chat room 

You indicated that your other relationships are suffering  That is true because this disease has changed our attitudes and focus

  Please try alanon  I have been given positive tools in which to lif my life  Although we are powerless over others we learn to take care of ourselves and have compassion for others.

  Please keep coming back  There is hope



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Tattyhead


Senior Member

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Posts: 328
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Hi Hilary

What an awful situation for you. I do understand some of what you are going through because although my problems stem from being married to an alcoholic, my mother was also an alcoholic. I remember feeling so powerless and I didn't know who to turn to. I don't think Alanon existed then - it was many years ago. It is devastating watching someone you love kill themselves. My mother also smoked heavily and died of lung cancer at 67. I wish Alanon had been available to me then. I strongly advise you to find face to face meetings in your area. But this board and the chat room are amazing sources of support. I am so glad you have found us. Keep coming back!

Love and (((hugs))) from across the pond.

Tish xxx

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hfrush


Newbie

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Posts: 4
Date:
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Betty and Tish, thank you so much for your replies. I have been looking into finding a local Alanon group but the majority of them in my area meet in the mornings and I am with my son during that time. I am still working on finding one that meets in the evenings. There is one at my church that does but my parents also attend there and I don't want to "out" my mother.. if that makes any sense?
I have been reading other posts in the forum and I have found it to be some what of a relief to see that there are others in my situation... sometimes I feel very lonely.

thank you again.

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Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 13696
Date:
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Aloha Hilary and welcome to the family again.  You don't have to be alone any longer
now that you have support with more waiting outside your door at the Family Group
Meetings.  Yeah at first it's scarey for lots of reasons but I only go for one reason
and that is my peace of mind and serenity.  It takes courage to change and we
ask for that in the serenity prayer.  It is you and now your young child that needs
the support so you are going to have to give up some of the time and effort you
are using to support the alcoholic in your life in order to do for you.  It is what I had
to do.  It is what saved my life because the more time and effort I invested in trying
to support or fix my alcoholics the more of me I was giving away and the sicker I
got until I was unable to do basic things for myself.

I feared about all kinds of stuff about being in Al-Anon like the membership would
know who my wife was and such and then I learned the fears were just in my head
and not real and no one even wanted to know who she was...it didn't matter.  What
mattered was that I attend the meetings and attend to my own recovery...that was
what we were all helping each other do...just like here at MIP.  Welcome home!!

The meeting rooms have literature tables where you can get as much printed
awareness as you need to understand what you need to know about you and the
disease of alcoholism and addiction.  We have had new mothers come in with
their children and it was fine as we worked together to recover together.  You have
to come to know and I hope you do.   Hope to hear how it worked out for you.

Keep coming back here also....((((((hugs)))))) smile

__________________
sunflowergirl


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 523
Date:
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Alanon has been nothing but good for me in the last 4 months I have been here. I have learned so much and so much is changing. Please know you are not to blame for your mom's drinking. You can't make her stop and you can't control her either. We learn about boundaries here, detaching with love and living in the now. It is time to take care of you. Keep your focus on you. When I began to keep my focus on me, things began to change. Take care and welcome here!

__________________
You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.  -Buddha

The past has flown away.  The coming month and year do not exsist.  Ours only is the present's tiny point.  -Mahmud Shabistanri
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