The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things have been a challenge lately - to say the least. Nothing "bad" - everyone is healthy and loving each other which is what is most important. Purchasing my first home and running into a lot of challenges - especially having the motivation and energy to keep pushing forward.
So a friend of mine the other day was a little cocky and says "I thought you weren't supposed to get upset - why don't you just detach? Perhaps you aren't doing as well as you thought."
Hmmmmm. My reaction was proof positive my program is working just fine. I didn't take it personally and it didn't hurt me at all. I remember thinking the SAME thing of my AA sponsor who had 30+ years in the program. He was having a difficult time, sharing about it (good choice) and I am sitting there thinking "Crap, this is what I have to look forward to???" LOL.
And to boot I had read a GREAT article about this exact topic not too long ago.
This is 100% about progress not perfection. I have no expectations of turning into a zen monk at some point in the future - besides I isolate enough - no monasteries for me . . . and perhaps that is what it takes to be THAT serene - isolation and silence. But . . . I am just a normal, imperfect human being going through emotional times and ummmmmm.....having friggin emotions!!! LOL.
I am going to get upset at some point about life for the rest of my life. Life is hard. We get angry, sad, lonely etc. - hello my blood is pumping - I am not a statue. But what I DO with those emotions and how I let them effect me has changed drastically. First, I ALLOW myself to feel and not beat myself up. I don't lash out or give up. I feel them. I claim them. I share them. I accept them and move on.
And who knows what the future holds. I have no expectations. The article I had read was a 20+ year AA'er that was ready to throw in the towel - then he got just what he needed. He was depressed, angry, just done - at 20 years! He is still sober and he accepts where he was.
I don't know what the future holds. I dream. I hope. But all I have is today. If I put good effort into that, perhaps my experience from today will make tomorrow better. For today I am not the abused, victimized, scared person I was a couple of years ago. THAT IS HUGE PROGRESS. I do not expect to "get it" someday - I just hope to get a tad bit better every day. I know I won't even do that "every" day - and that is OK. I am trying. That's more than I can say about the old me.
Hope you all have a wonderful week.
tlc
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
For me, like for you, feeling my feelings is a reminder and proof that I am HEALING. For example, for the first time EVER, I am able to acknowledge and express my own ANGER. This is a huge, huge, huge TRIUMPH. I am mostly a joyful person, but like you said, I am going to get angry and times and this is HUMAN. It feels so GOOD to be part of the human race!!! I grew up in an alcoholic home where don't talk, don't trust, don't feel was the M.O., so this is indeed healing :).
This is an awesome post! It reminds me that happiness is not a destination we eventually get to...it's a state of mind that we decide we are going to embrace any day we choose to do so.
It also reminds me that the goal is not to become a person that is emotionally isolated from others that doesn't experience real emotions. For me, it's just the opposite - I'm learning to experience real emotions for the first time without those emotions being shrouded in fear and anxiety.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. ¨. . I am just a normal, imperfect human being going through emotional times and ummmmmm.....having friggin emotions!!! LOL.¨ Yes, aren't we all? Thanks for the reminder, excellent post!!! ¨
I agree this is a very powerful post and awareness. Program does not promise me that I will have a Continual "Rose Garden", it promises me that by keeping coming back and using these tools I will know how to handle life with Courage, Serenity and Wisdom and that is all I ever needed.
When I first worked the steps with my sponsor I was looking forward to the 6th and 7th step because I thought that HP would remove all my defects. These were my feeling like anger and sadness and other negative emotions.
My sponsor kindly pointed out these feelings are what made me human and would not be removed. I would instead learn how to express them in a constructive manner and find compassion, love, understanding and joy in the process
What a beautiful program I am so grateful that I kept coming back
Thanks to this gentle recovery programme Im so glad to be living life on lifes terms, warts and all, but it is LIFE and I am living it. So much better than merely EXISTING in the pain and isolation of alcoholic insanity.
Love it - I always smile when someone says damn I am back on step one , well I am there all the time there is always someone who isnt doing what i want ,the way i want or when i want , so I go back to being powerless over other people which is fine with me . Life throws us curves , recovery dosent mean we don't hurt it simply means we know how to get thru it with out making a little molehill into a mountain . What matters for me is my attitude when looking for a solution which for me is go to a meeting call a sponsor or trusted Al-Anon friend and just talk it out , I usually find my answer by just talking .. Congrats on your new home enjoy .
I'm experiencing a lot of emotions right now and my disease is running rampant. I'm really doing a number on myself - guilt-tripping and blaming myself for disappointing people and being "irresponsible" in their eyes. But, this is old behavior. I'm afraid to feel the feelings - anger at these people, fear that I might be abandoned by them, disappointment, grief as I transition into a new stage of life. Working the program and creating boundaries has spurred some of these problems. Sometimes this program is a god-send, and sometimes I think it creates more "problems" for me to deal with.
Just gotta keep working it and know that my feelings are okay. I can feel them and deal with them and then hopefully release them.
Thank you for the reminder that it's okay to feel bad sometimes.
Thanks for this share! I really feel like I get this now, especially on my bad days... I see how much happiness is an inside job and how quickly it can go away if I let it... I work hard every day, but I am human... Take care!~
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You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. -Buddha
The past has flown away. The coming month and year do not exsist. Ours only is the present's tiny point. -Mahmud Shabistanri
