The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Depression has taken such a toll on me, I just wake up not wanting to get out of bed, I have lost about 20 lbs., I have no interest whatsoever in eating.
I saw a counselor Friday because I have been having thoughts that dying would be easier than living like this. She wants me to go to a medical doctor and get an anti-depresant medication. But there is no magic pill for this.
The thoughts of the holidays coming on make me want to pull my hair out.
I hate myself for feeling this way, my Autistic son needs me.
Hi dreams, I know the feeling. I've not lost weight or had trouble getting out of bed but the feeling of a dark cloud hanging over my head is a familiar one. I went on meds. They haven't fixed anything or changed me but they've kept me from bottoming out. I find I have a basement now instead of a black hole. I only go so low then bounce back. By themselves meds aren't enough, counseling and working program matter alot.
(((Dreams)) Please know I do understand the sadness and pain. Please keep coming back here and posting. The al anon "Just for Today" Bookmark helped me when I was in that dark place.
I would give myself permission to just do some constructive things each day regardless of how I felt
I would force myself to get up shower, read my odat, pray come here read, post rest, eat , and walk. I refused to look to the past or the future. I merely focused on the day . It really worked
Seeing the medical doctor may also point you in a different direction and have an alternate to meds.
You are so important and your life matters Please take care of you
Oh dreams, your counselor is right. You have been thru so much, our bodies chemicals sometimes need a boost to get our good happy ones going again.
There is nothing wrong with anti depressants. yes they really do help. I started on SAM e again about eight weeks ago and am pleasantly surprised. A discount store had them for a super great price. I just hope they get more!
I was where you are a few weeks ago. Was very miserable. I usually keep it inside but told one friend who told another. Those two just emailing made me feel better and the meds kicked in.
Mine was as usual the grieving thing. But the reason does not matter, when we feel so sad and beat up, our bodies do too.
If you can, what I tell me is put one foot in front of the other, get up. I do then I have to feed the squealing baby pig, then the hollering horse and sheep and quiet llama, then the pots here me feeding them and i gotta feed them.
Then I am sweeping, mopping, dusting. Take a breath and feed the little dogs as they don't get enough of the free fed dry.I feed them all pedigree puppy.
I end up picking up, maybe dragging in some flowers, I had to make myself. All of a sudden i realise i need to sit down.
one foot in front of the other. I also read some brochures and magazines I get. learn about true things, creation/the science of it. Just got a great one on how Christmas originated. And a great article on homosexuality that was so full of love. was so neat.
I love reading about how judging is not my job, that since i don't do that I can love and pray for everyone.
even me. I hope you can get to the doc. I felt as you. i went in and could not stop crying. he does not see me like that, well never has.
Yes your son needs you, so do I. We all need each other here on mip. I am so glad you came and shared. You do have us with you. our real person is right here in our words we share.
Is there anything I can do for you? I am serious,it is hard, but if you can figure out what might help you, do it. Sometimes just moving your bod helps. For me painting the window sills or the doors helps. The busy helps and the nice clean look helps... until mud brush tails walk in...sigh, me and my long haired dogs, what an idiot.
i say that in a silly loving way btw.
I put pretty pink on my toenails. that helps me. dumb sounding. but something about cute toes made me feel better. used to hate my feet, was embarrassed by them. would not wear sandals when i was a kid much. my feet are fine!Like those people who are beautiful but look in the mirror and see ugly. i saw my feet that way.
Face it we are nuts. haha. i do care,and do not want you to feel this way. climb into the boat, we are here together.
love,debilyn heading for her feather bed before anyone else.....
Thanks for your share. Get up and get out! Don't isolate. I too am anticipating the holidays. I get so negative. However, I am reading an article about looking at your family objectively and seeing them for what they mirror in you. It also says try to be helpful or yogic. And that is what they tell us about service work in Alanon.
So relate to your post. Hey there is nothing wrong with seeing a Dr and going on meds if needed. I have walked in your shoes and will reitterate what has already been said about not isolating yourself. I did that and it went to the extreme where I couldn't leave my home for over a year. I am sure if I could have foreseen that...or been in the program at the time I would have handled things differently. In fact I know I would have. Sending prayers your way You are not alone Blessings
