The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I wrote in my last post, my exAH does realize that the bizarre story of being held hostage at gun point in his home was all in his mind. I spoke to him about he is in the last stages of alcoholism and that I hope he gives detox/rehab serious consideration. He was straddling the fence. He shared with me several reasons why he doesn't think he needs rehab, but he does admit he can use the detoxing. I finally told him that there isn't anything I can do. It's out of my hands. I did tell him that he is welcomed to call me IF he wants a ride to a nearby detox center. He has the insurance, so money isn't the prohibitiing him from getting the much-needed help.
He is scheduled to get his license back in January. I'm very concerned, but I know what he does is out of my hands.
He whined to me about how he looks like a shaggy dog and needs a haircut. There was a time when I would have made the 45-minute trip out to the country to bring him into town. But I'm done. He is were he is at, mentally, physically and emotionally because of his choices. I feel for him. But I realize I can't fix him. I've tried and tried............ countless time throughout our 35 years of marriage.
Dreams are broken - only dreams. It's time to create new dreams.
No words can express how I feel. I know you all understand. Thank you for reading this.
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I have written about my longtime relationship with my AHsober. I say I have been married to him for 35 years and he has been married for 30 years. He left five years ago. He won't seek recovery for himself. He hasn't drank in over 20 years but exhibits many of the behaviors of an active alcoholic. The is no logic to what he says and does. I tried to help and am sure most of it was codependency and enabling him. He isn't healthy, doesn't eat well, doesn't exercise, either plays computer games all night or watches TV all night. He comes up with that logic that only an A can do. And he has never filed for divorce. So I am taking care of me.
Thank you all for your replies. I appreciate them. I know I can reach out to you and you will understand. At times I feel as though I'm going to crack. Besides adjusting to the divorce, I'm adjusting to a very demanding job that takes up a lot of my personal time. I've never been financially on my own before; I feel thankful for having a job with benefits. But I feel so much pressure to meet the standards of my new supervisor - some are not realistic of a newbie. But I don't argue the point. I just keep my nose to the grindstone.
It's still so difficult to 'let go' of my exAH's plight. Crazy. I spent most of our marriage trying everyway I could think of to help him see the error of his ways. The pain of knowing what he is going through is undescribable. I realize you all know the pain of watching of very good person throw his life away.
Again, thank you. I'm not as active on this board as I would like due to my new job.
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
