The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things were going okay, then his self esteem grew and I support him in his endeavors, but I get no support in mine. I relayed this to him, and remind him he is hanging on a string. I have teenagers and do appreciate just the fact that he is around I have a little help. I remind him that it is the children now and not just him. I was homeless with my children, you know the story of irresponsibility. I think it is from his enviroment, and somewhat strict religious upbringing that made him believe he is the boss. He is getting an education from AA. But, I am so mad that he had the nerve to blame me as a corprit, when he has the job, money, car, friends, family, and I have no one who is family who could offer support in anyway. I told him, because of this I want a Divorce(out of my frustration), like a pastor told me, they need to fall, and loose family before they learn, well he still has a family. He acts like he has done nothing wrong. When I get a job soon, which is I do not know, he might not be so cocky.
I am so glad you came here. At the top of this page is an offer of a free book. Getting them Sober. I can't think of a better resource for you. Welcome!
Aloha mdh...you're not alone any longer. You've found a home with MIP and this family will love you till you learn to love yourself. Lots of us are Al-Anon Family Group members and have had our lives changed dramatically from our membership there. The hotline number to Al-Anon is in white pages of your local phone book. Call it and find out where and when we meet in your area and where you can find our literature which will support positive growth; mind, body, spirit and emotions.
And yes...Alcoholics are very self centered and selfish until they learn not to be. You don't have to wait for that...call that hotline number (((((hugs)))))
Hello and welcome As already suggested please find an alanon meeting in your area and you will find tons of love and support. You mentioned your husband is getting an education in AA....You will get your education in Alanon. Along with your education you will get the support you are looking for. We are a family. Also getting the book mentioned above will be of great help to you As I kind of understood in your post your husband is fairly new in his recovery and you aren't getting much support from him. I do know that those in early recovery are often very self involved just trying to stay sober. He is battling this disease every day and has AA as his support system. Well you are battling the same disease in a different way as are your children so may want to think about alateen for them. I know you want your husband to own up to all the things he has done. And in time you will probably get that in some form or another. I know I waited for years after some of my A's found recovery for them to make ammends to me. But they never verbalized it, I realized when I entered alanon ammends come in many ways, for my A's it was just the fact that they were working the program and changing thier behaviors to healthy behviors instead of drowning themselves in booze were my ammends and really I couldn't ask for anything more from them. What I didn't realise until my own son became an addict that I was as sick if not sicker than any of the A's in my life. Thankfully I found alanon as you have now and started putting the focus on my recovery and my well being. Hoping you find a meeting soon and start your own healing process Blessings
Hi, can so relate to your post. my ABF is sober was for 6 months last year and slipped and is now in rehab. I get frustrated, angrey , having to be the responsible one. I read something from al anon yesterday about how this disease has effected me. It said part of my recovery was to work on my resetments and anger as they hurt me and the rest of the family. There is an al anon book called living with sobriety I am find ing this a great help. However I also need to attend 2 al anon meetings a week. I know this disease has done alot of damage to me. Today when I get into feeling sorry for me or angrey at him I fight it, I want to be happy at paece for me not him this is my recovery. I leave him to his and as mentioned by others just because they stop drinking they do not get better over night. Today I try and have gratitude for the fact that he is in AA, some days he is better than others. hope this helps take care of you
hi mdh.. i can relate to your post as well.. going thru something very similar, possibly the stages of their recovery? I hope you don't make the mistake I made. My husband started attending AA meetings very religiously 3 or 4 times a week. All the suddendly he is sober and his attitude begins to change,,(therefore now ours has to change as well).. I was so used to dealing with the AH! He got cocky and it kinda bothered me. At the beginning of this week I exploded and told him I didnt like his attitude, he was cocky, self centered,he forgot all what he put me through, he doesn't need my help now that's why he looks down on me and blah blah. I did some of the DON'TS: nag and scold, bring the past.. Bad mistake. He relapsed by the end of this week. I feel terribly guilty. He is still on a drinking binge. Xeno59 couldnt said it better. It is a stage of their recovery, they are rediscovering themselves and they are doing it for us too. By being commited to his recovery, his support group and staying with his family he is telling you that he cares. Sometimes our partners will say things way off whether they are alcoholics or not.. we do it as well,, we all have our issues. He is too involved with himself now and it's alrite... it's alrite... I know you miss your husband, your friend.. but don't destroy him now that you guys are almost there. I've gone to Alanon meetings and heard great success stories of couples still together, usually they succeed when both are attending their separate meetings AA and Alanon. I sent a message to my husband today stating "you let me down again", and he replied by saying " "you let me down as well..I needed you to believe in me to stay sober one more day ,, I've been doing this for us, not just for me. Sometimes we don't only speak with words..I was not at the finish line yet but working hard and trying to enjoy the process of getting there..." We need to give them time, things will fall into place. I think in a way I felt kinda jealous that he displays this passive attitude like nothing ever happened while I'm still struggling with healing. At Alanon they told me " a man can't get up if you are on his back". I find it to be very true. I should apply this advice to myself but... try to get the word alcohol or AH out of your vocabulary for at least a day, can you imagine what a great day would be without that to worry about..? Whatever you do, don't rely on your own judgement, contact a friend, sponsor, come to this board before you run your mouth too much and say or do things that can sabotage your own family. Don't do what I did, I ran my mouth like an earthquake and now I'll have to deal with the aftermath... Good luck to you.
