The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello Again...so my bil went to detox and was only able to be there for the night. The room had no T.V. and there were 4 other men sharing the room. It broke my heart when my FIL told me that his friend's mother picked him up and brought him home. He is 26 years old and lives with his father who is also a AH. I have not really been over to their house or have had a single conversation with my bil since he came home. The pain is just so intense and I feel like they just left me because their addiction was more important to them. I tried everything I could to get my bil into treatment and he was willing to go. Now I wonder if it was all to get his Dad off his back. My FIL told my bil that if he did not go and get help that he would kick him out and that he would be "done with him". So now the story goes that he is not doing the herion (was at 6 grams a day tar herion), I live in Washington. He was really sick for about 14 days but now his dad says that he is a new person. That he drinks a lot more than he should but that he thinks it is much better than shooting up. He is an addict and one crutch just turned into another. So now they can drink together I am sure. My husband and I are just keeping our distance but inside my heart hurts but I know that I have to deal with my part in this play before I can be healthy enough to love him but not to death. I have this rehab place calling me trying to get me to pay for his treatment in Michigan. It is a wonderful program but I do not have the money. In talking to my FIL it is as if my bil is doing wonderful and so much better. I go to my first counseling session tonight to start to work on my own issues and learn how to be a healthy person surrounded by addicts for my 4 year daughter and myself. I need a toolbox to be able to get through this crazy maze. My husband is doing much better on the drinking. He has about 2 beers a day but on the weekends he can have up to a six pack each day. It is getting better but I wonder if he is abusing alcholol or if he is a AH as well that is in remission. Thanks for any replies. Still so new at this all. Mercy
Hello...welcome to Alanon Here you will find the tools you need in order to take care of yourself and deal with the A's in your life. I am hoping that you have found a meeting in your area to attend or join on here online for our twice daily meetings. Your trying to understand the insanity of this disease right now, and feel betrayed that if your BIL or FIL loved you all enough they would want to get better. If only that were true. They do love you as much as thier disease will allow, but addiction ( booze, drugs, whatver) will always be first and foremost for them until they accpet recovery. It doesn't sound as if they are ready yet and believe me I get how painful that is. My son is an A and before coming to alanon i was just as if not sicker than my son from thie crazy disease. Whatever anyone else is doing you have the choice to accpet your own recovery. Alanon will be your saving grace, I promise you that. But it is a journey, a new way of life, a new way of looking at things and a new way of handling things. Please keep coming back Blessings
Glad you are here. Why not try looking at the book offered at the top of this page. Getting them Sober is a great resource.
Many of us have been there with a family member. My own sister is an alcoholic and I used to be devastated by her disease. Now I no longer take it personally. In al anon we adopt the threee C's, we can't control it, cure it and we didn't cause it.
Most of us get pretty sick around an active alcoholic. Getting a tool box to deal with them can be difficult but you'll find many many people here who are experienced and who can relate to being new at it. Patience helps but of course so many of us come here in crisis its hard to have patience when you feel so bad.
Thank you once again for all the support and response. I will take a look at the book that was suggested. I also took the big leap and went in for my first therapy session yesterday. It was really good and I feel a connection so that is very helpful. She told me that she suggested that I really think about attending a face to face meeting and find a sponser that speaks to me. I asked her why would i need a sponser I am not a A. She helped me understand that often times the person in a relationship with an A becomes just as sick and the A sickness becomes their obsession. I can see that happening. I have often times not been in control of certain things that have happened to me so I guess I can be controlling to others that I love. My day should not be determined by how others feel. I said something in my therapy session that must have been hiding in there somewhere. I told her, "I want to be loved and accepted for who I am not for what I can do for someone else." So here I go in my own active recovery. I have spent so much, OK yes all of my life taking care of others, making sure that the boat does not rock, that my action would not cause anyone else any grief that somewhere in it all I have lost track of who I am. I have become a shadow behind the person I am helping and I want that person I am back. Thank you for any prayers, positive thoughts and energy as I learn on step at a time to turn around and face those demons in the shadows, the light tap on my shoulder. I choose to stop running, I choose to find me. Mercy.
Hi mercy, you said you want to be loved for who you are and not what you can do for someone else. I too have been surrounded by addiction most of my life and tried to fix the world. I joined al anon three years agao and found someone to sponsor me who I could see knew alot about the programme. Today I am fighting my own addiction trying to fix care for others even when they do not want me to. My life is transforming, I still want to be loved by others but I dont pick up broken people to fix so they will love me, today I am learning to love me. There is no love like it in the world I am with me 24/7 if I love me and take care of me and leave other to love and care for themselves to solve own problems then I get better. hope you do attend a meeting best thing I ever did for myself.
