The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is one thing to let my brother make his own stupid mistakes. And I even understand about letting my mom make her mistakes in trying to rescue my brother.
But how do you form good boundries when there is a special needs child who can't fend for herself and you see bad decisions made concerning the child?
At least this time the discussion is healthy food where a few months ago the subject was about my SIL's neglect of the child. I am grateful that things have improved considerable for the child. But I want to help more.
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To get more specific, I am considering going over to my mom's house more often to cook dinners for them (usually just for my niece and my mother because everyone else in the family is usually at work or school).
I want to go over to visit and help out twice a week but usually this would not have included dinner. But because my mom is fixing fried food and stuff like that for my niece (who is already clinically obese at age 14,) I am considering coming over more often and fixing a healthy supper maybe 3 or 4 nights a week.
So what are some questions I ask myself in deciding what to do?
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Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace within the storm.
If you think your helping hand would be welcomed, by all means, do it. I can tell that your concern for your niece is genuine, and that's what counts. Go, my dear, and cook your little heart out!!!!
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Aloha Kath...for me I'd have to check my motives and then qualify my "helping". Is it really helping or am I enabling. For me there is a way of knowing the difference and I have to keep checking on myself often.
Children in my eyes are always the innocents in all this. They have no power to make decisions. I was in a similar situation many years ago when my brother was an H addict his wife a pill popper and they would have knock down drag out fights etc. I won't go into all the gory details but they were highly neglectful of my niece. Again without going into all the details I was able to talk my brother into handing my niece over to my husband and I to raise. She lived with us till she was a senior in HS. I did not do it for my brother or his wife I did it so my niece could grow up in a somewhat normal home. Get her needs met and be loved. My brother came to see her everyday, he was always welcome as long as he was sober and it was important for the 2 of them to remain bonded. But again I did not to it to enable my brother or try and get him to stop using. That was out of my control. But my niece needed stablity. So like Jerry mentioned check your motives. And then do what you think is best. Wishing you well in recovery Blessings
