The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am focusing way too much on my ah today. Just need to post this. My ah came to see us last weekend and now he is expecting me to reciprocate by going to see him tomorrow while his children are with him for the weekend so they can see their sister. He is trying to hook me in with feeling sorry for his children because they never get to see our baby because she lives with me. I don't want to go tomorrow because I feel like the only reason he may have come out here last weekend was to get me to start doing what I have done in the past: he's nice to me for a second, then I reciprocate 200% of "niceness". What I don't know is if I should tell him that I see through his scheme, or just politely decline and detach. It hurts because I want to play along so badly. I want to go see him and his kids tomorrow. My kids miss their stepbrothers and sisters, but I don't want to play into his manipulation either or make him think that I will do just whatever he wants when he is nice to me. I am truly confused because one minute I want to go see them, then the next minute I don't. I'm just really not sure what to do, so I have posted this and now I will let go and let God. If anyone has ESH with this I would greatly appreciate it.
That is a dilemma. One which I would pray on and listen for HP's answer. It would be nice to let the children see each other so maybe you can all meet in a nutral place, like the park or ice cream shop or something. Sorry I don't have alot of ESH on this one Blessings
Yes that's true. I guess I am not sure if I am strong enough yet to go visit them. I was very strong last weekend when he came to visit. I will confess this truth now: I'm afraid of his kids. They are older. They don't like me because I left their dad and took their sister with me. They resent my kids becaue they get to see our baby all the time, and they don't. When we did live their though, they never stuck around, now that we've left, it is like they constantly talk about how much they miss their sister.
I honestly don't have set boundaries when I am at his house. It is practically impossible for me at this time. I have set boundaries in my home.
I think a neutral place to meet would be the best decision.
What I don't know is if I should tell him that I see through his scheme, or just politely decline and detach.
I always like to look internal at my own motives.... to me, the answer above is pretty clear..... Politely declining and detaching is doing it for YOU and your needs.... Telling him you see through is scheme is kind of still controlling, not accepting step one, etc.....
Just my two cents T
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
