Does your A spouse know you attend meetings? - Al-Anon Family Group

dori711 · Veteran Member

Does your A spouse know you attend meetings?

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

That brings up a good question to ask the fellowship when you get to your next
meeting. Ask them what they were afraid of when they first got into program and
listen with an open mind.

My spouse knew I was attending meetings and after I got over the fear of it (FEAR
False Evidence Appearing Real) I went for me and me only and it worked wonders
for my life.

Go to the next one as soon as you can and ask the questions.

((((hugs)))) smile

dori711 · Veteran Member

Thanks, I was advised to keep my attending quiet in the beginning. I think I was given this advice to avoid getting talked out of it.

kimmy1975 · Veteran Member

Mine knew I was going due to the simple fact he asked me what my plans were for that particular day I had decided to go. At first, I just said it was a support group, but he took it a little further and asked what kind of support group, so I told him. He was upset, and tried ridiculing me so I would feel guilty for going. Didn't work, because I went anyways. I hope you do go despite your fears of what he might say or do.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Sometimes, even though they are angry when they find out..It is the first time that their problem becomes REAL. My thinking is the anger comes from what they see as a attack on their disease. They may attempt to appear insulted or manipulate the circumstances. The bottom line is Alanon is for you and you are worth it.

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

My son is my A so my situation is a little different.
He couldn't have cared less that I was attending Alanon but I think it would be different with a spouse.
My son only started to care when my behaviors started to change, he lived at home. ridiculed me and my program etc but I would not be deterred. I was in for good as it has been the one and only thing that has restored me to sanity and I can't, won't go back to the way i was or the way things were.
Jerry F suggestion was a great one....ask your fellowship how they dealt with the situation
I wish you the best in your recovery
Blessings

SteppingUp · Veteran Member

Dori, thank you so much for posting this thread. I hope lots of folks will chime in on this issue.

I've gone to three meetings and haven't yet told my W. I know that it will be a wake-up call for her and she'll probably react aggressively. But, at this time, I'm doing this for me to learn the tools that I'll need as things progress. The more I learn, the calmer and more confident I become.

Also, there's a part of me that says it's my recovery and therefore my business.

thundermother · Veteran Member

Yes my AH knows. Never hid it. Didn't flaunt it either. It just is. I don't attend f2f meetings (none in my area) but I attend the on-line meetings here and a phone in meeting.

He did ask me if I "complained" about his drinking etc at the meetings and I explained that we don't focus on the alcoholic, we focus on ourselves and our own behavior. He seemed fine with that.

Keep going. It's for you, not your A.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Dont worry about how much he will or will not drink , you cant stop it anyway.. Yes my husb knew i went to meetings right from the start he said the only problem he had with that was that now there were 2 of us who knew he had a problem.. One friend told her husb that she was going because his drinking was causing HER a problem ..
another said that she was going to an attitude adjustment meeting which was true , he thought that was a good idea cause her attitude stank haha. the choice is yours Dori do what is right for you

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