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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Why Don't I Feel Anything
Post Info TOPIC: Why Don't I Feel Anything
essgee1952


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Why Don't I Feel Anything
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Trying to keep a long story short, AH went to jail yesterday for 6 months for repeated DUI's.  Had to give me his Blackberry and everything else before they hauled him off.  He has always been able to hold a good job, in fact in management, and thought he had allies within the company who would check his email and voice mail for him.  

Today, I finally figured out the Blackberry, including how to check voice mail (he had kept telling me to just turn it off).  Turns out, his work friends aren't so loyal and don't want to "get involved."  So no one is checking his voice mail, etc.  And I did, and there were, of course, calls from women asking how things went in court yesterday.

Just before that, he called and asked me to send him a few things, and I decided to also include his prescription meds which he takes for cardiac issues.  Imagine my surprise when I found Cialis in there, since we haven't been intimate in God knows how long.

Then I returned one of the calls from his Blackberry, and of  course you already know this - it was a woman who had no idea he was married, had had an affair with him, which is now over, and was very very apologetic to me (although I told her there was no need).

Fast forward to his call from jail tonight, in which I lit into him.  He, of course, is having the typical jailhouse conversion (been there, seen that)...but my question is why don't I feel anything now?  I am just kind of numb, not hurt, not devastated, just don't care, other than to feel sorry for him.  He's in jail, friends deserting him, wife not an ally any more, no job either (that's another story).

Maybe I'm ready to finally move on.



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lyndebi


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My experience is when we as humans have had enough, that is that. We can  only be broken so far.

The pain is so much more than any love.

I am sad for you, all this stuff happening. You probably know he has to figure it all out for himself, you can't do anything anyway.

Our bodies and minds protect us after a certain point of pain. I hope you take care of you with things you love, anti stressors and focus on what you need, and on your life.

hugs,debilyn

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dori711


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From experience after being put through a continuous mill of hurts, I eventually became cold and unfeeling. It was one of the reasons I sought help because I was losing myself to my AH.

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this and if I could make it better or have something more encouraging to say I would. I do wish you recovery from your pain.

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hotrod


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((((Essgee))))

I am so sorry that this dreadful disease has wrecked such havoc in your life.  You may just be ready to accept life on life's terms right now, make decisions and choices  so be gentle with yourself. 

I hope you have a sponser and program people to share with  If not help in finding a meeting can be found hers

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

You are not alone and there is hope and help  Please keep coming back here  Focus on yourself make sure to rest, eat and not isolate.

Please continue to share the journey



-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 20th of October 2010 11:45:59 PM

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
abbyal


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I have been where your at , its just safer to not care and feel nothing , but not healthy when I am in that state of mind I miss the good stuff too , the chuckle with my kids , the lunch with a friend or a good movie  ,indifference is an awful place to live it gets lonely , cold and I start building walls - no one gets in .. and unfortunatley I cant get out . Make a commitment to yourself to recover from the effects of someones drinking , I made a choice promised myself that this disease and I were done , it was not getting any more of my life.. take care of you . If your not already going to meetings please find some near you , the damage does not go away because your relationship is over we take it with us into all of our relationships .

-- Edited by abbyal on Thursday 21st of October 2010 01:20:50 AM

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essgee1952


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Thanks for the support, good thoughts and recommendations. I am taking this ODAT and trying to figure out just what I need. I'll get through this.

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